Tom Holland's Butt

The new Spider-Man movie was good, Roland's favorite of the hero types. The swinging from buildings is so exhilarating on the big screen. The booms and vibration in the seat are nice touches too. Seeing a leading man NOT get the girl, even though he got that exact one in a previous movie but had to choose to erase her memory of him to save her life, was nice too. His battle to accept her feelings was pretty convincing, it's very cute that the actors are married to each other and that probably helped.

I'm out here dating, had a really nice ice cream date yesterday, went to the park with a lake during sunset on a particularly mild summer day. Psh, so good. VERY easy to talk and listen and understand. Nice, comforting energy. We vibed and I'm looking forward to another. 

 Tonight is open mic and I'mma do some comedy again, did it last week for the first time in a long time and I gotta keep up the momentum. After chatting with my dad Sunday, he gave me a funny premise for joke-telling that I'm using this round. Fits nicely with what I wanted to kind of story tell about:) It's feeling like I'm part of something really unique and beautifully constructed lately and while I can't take all the credit, I'm so proud of how things are pulling together. Finding out what my blind spots are, why I've had a difficult time in the past listening to my intuition. Asking different sources for input and suggestions instead of powering through and staying hardened. It's energizing! 

Grass That Fades

Mom passed away about a month ago. No one expected it, but it also wasn't the most shocking news. While we've been grateful to have her exactly as she was for as long as we could, her healthcare was questionable, her childhood seemed mysterious, her lineage unknown, her birth certificate forged.  

Mom was in a car accident in her mid-30s and they scanned her brain, finding a couple small, fluid-filled holes. They weren't able to decipher the age of the damage, but they did give my dad a funny look. My mom's aunt ended up confessing that mom was thrown into a wall as a two-year-old by the aunt's then-boyfriend that was supposed to be helping watch the kids. Mom was in a coma for a while and, Hallelujah, baby girl eventually woke up, but she had to relearn everything. She also only had one kidney?!

She never knew her biological father, maybe his last name is Wentworth(?) She was raised by her mother and step dad.  

At 14 she got pregnant. Her parents borrowed some money and got her an abortion before she even knew why she was so nauseous. She only found out afterwards that she was in the hospital to terminate her pregnancy. Around that time, her parents had the friendly bible people, Jehovah's Witnesses, come and study with their kids. Eventually, the three girls got baptized. They had two brothers, one with severe autism and their baby brother, they were heathens. Haha.

As a kid she worried about her mom's health because she had a bad heart and refused to stop smoking. Their family had hired help, a black nanny. She didn't disclose this until after the movie "The Help" came out and she realized it was a more shared experience than she realized. She was kind of ashamed, especially after becoming a Jehovah's Witness, which I've heard described as a "black religion". While people around her were casually racist and felt superior, my mom was thankful for and incredibly influenced by her nanny.  

At 16 mom got married ("almost 17" she would tell me) to a great guy that actually dated her sister for a minute before finding out about Sherry Ann. My dad was 19 and would be with her for the rest of her life. She had five children with him, all pretty cool. Her first son was born when she was 18. She had another son at 22. She had lil ol' me, "the most difficult childbirth", at 24. Then, waited eight years to have my sister at 32, then our baby brother at 36. My two kids and my sister's husband and their three kids are also included in this picture, along with dad and all the siblings: 

We all got together to say goodbye to mom, to be there for dad, within a couple of days of the news. All twelve of us in a house of about 1,000 square feet, not including the new addition on the back that dad is building. 

My mom was always proud of us, telling us she never did that good in school, so don't worry. Though she did worry about our chastity, likely because of her trauma. She was an amazing mom, with the support of our dad, she was available to come to our school events, cooked great, comforted, came all the way to Colorado when I had my first kid and went through my marital strife. She was employed a few times to help out financially too, a couple McDonald's locations and even at Dunkin Donuts with me when I was 19 (that gig didn't last long for her because she felt like her uterus was falling out and ended up getting a hysterectomy). My friend Nora came and helped us around the house while my mom was out of commission, and now Nora has a potty mouth because mom made cussing so much fun. Mom also worked with my sister at a McDonald's in Umatilla, FL later on. The team loved 'em. 

After the most tumultuous part of my life was sorted, she was able to come out for a real vacation in the fall of 2023.  She slept in my bed every night for about a month. I took her to restaurants and bars and music and comedy shows, we laughed, we soaked in the beauty of Colorado. I made a couple TikToks with her and my friend Brandy. When I came out of the bathroom at the comedy show, I saw her phone screen and she was messaging with someone going by "Keanu Reeves" - she had a habit of getting duped by scammers and buying gift cards to send them money. I like to think she fed a few families in a third world country for at least a year, because it was thousands of dollars. Even when I told her she was getting scammed, she couldn't help herself, she was hooked and I'm guessing it got her excited. When I brought up some of the ways she hurt me as a kid, she really listened, she wasn't defensive and didn't act like a victim, she genuinely apologized. It was so powerful I can't help but cry writing it out. 

She dealt with pain and inflammation for years, but when she talked on the phone, when she heard from her kids, she was ON. A few months before she passed, she asked me to keep checking in on her. I let her know I'd be there, if she needed me to go to her, I'd be there - just say the word. She's been there for me so many times. She never did tell me to come, but I am very comforted knowing that dad and two of my brothers were around when she needed anything. Especially Jarred, who would remove the cover from the swing anytime mom wanted to sit outside, then put the cover back on when she was done. I remember once when mom and I got pissed at each other and I was dishing out what she was serving right back to her and Jarred had to come and talk to me about it later on and tell me I couldn't do that to her. While I felt completely justified in treating her the way she was treating me, he did make me realize I had the power in me to choose another way. Poor guy had a hard time with two wild women in the house. Hahaha. I love my family so much.

 

MaTOOR

 It's very nice feeling settled in my brain. Not having to make decisions hastily and feeling well-rounded has my stress levels manageable. Envisioning a plot of land with a creek and remembering the smell of dark soil, the cool feeling of a shaded little spot on earth - it's where my mind goes every chance I give it. 

 The weight of depression I felt nipping at my heels the last few months is dissipating. Anxiety and depression are so contagious for me, unfortunately. They're easy for me to spot and so hard for me to handle appropriately. Like seeing a cave and being drawn to it naturally. Letting it hold me and tell me everything else is too dangerous. Good thing I have no choice but to leave. Too bad when a hermit I befriended takes it so personal. 

 What better way to carry on than to be a balanced, healthy individual? There's a handy gauge that I've developed through life that triggers a little warning light. When I look under the hood, it may take some deciphering, but it's incredible to finally figure out how I work and what might not be working so well. What fluids to top off, where I'm leaking, what wires are crossed. The song "Little Red Corvette" played on the radio this morning, there's no escaping some external influence.

 Now, who's gunna drive me GOOOOOOD and SLLLOOOOWWW? 

Hurray Up & W8

 Uh oh, I got excited about a new thing and then the momentum kinda fizzled. We'll see if the factors at play actually move in the way it takes for it to happen. It's wait and see, but if the time comes and says "NOT", I know what I CAN do. What I was able to afford in a moment of excitement is still something I can afford without so much urgency and it's so nice to know there's a reserve of passion in me yet for the things I love and love to do.

What's great is my family has been invited to an art brunch on Saturday and the timing is just right. No plans, clean home, no fuss, slight hesitation to commit at first (out of habit), and realization that it's what the universe wants for me. With the people I enjoy the most because they're the sweetest, most positive souls. They charge my battery! I wonder if my dear boyfriend can come too, lord, he encourages me so much. And it's such a seemingly natural trait for all these folks, rather than being critical or entitled. 

Brandy is back at the office after several days having to work from home due to renovations after a pipe flooded her condo. Lord, am I happy to make her laugh. 

Still dreaming of my five-year plan to own some land. Here I am with my truck:

Wish Upon a Scar

 How I wish I knew what I was. So often it's desirable to be one that lets go, but my subconscious teaches me time and time again that it's not the case. "Look how vivid your memories are, let's relive a moment, a feeling, a thought! You're feeling it again because you want to, you must crave it when you're suppressing it in your waking hours, and you've grown fond of this boiling lake of acid because it is extreme and you're so insensitive otherwise."

How much meat have I eaten without harming a fly? This disconnect is stale, I yearn for blood and see so clearly that I have no honor. My current path is following something paved and designed and calculated and like a pretend-exciting journey. Like waiting in line for a theme park ride with fake skeletons and chests fills with fake golden coins and fake prison bars and previously recorded screams and fake stone and real dust. Married by a judge, gave birth in a hospital, vaccinated, divorced by a judge, too capable to risk much, cynical, but still with an undying belief in love. 

Just within the past week the corners of my mouth point so far down. There is weight to the air and I'm conserving energy for battle. What am I supposed to be?

Ghost in the Pepper

 Phew, it's a hot summer! Let's be thankful, gang. I got some fun stuff going on in life and even just the normal things like a roof over my head is amazing right now. The stress is so manageable I'm ready to face some challenges voluntarily in order to level up. Take on some responsibilities to gain some powers. Like, by CHOICE. How freakin' weird is that? Making decisions from a place of peace is wildly different than having to deal with hardships as they come. 

It takes some effort to figure out... wh.. what am I doing? Freedom is hard. Failure is scary. But...

Life

is

kinda short.

Almost Me

 ...it's almost April, see?

 Just saw this on Facebook and love it:

"Nobody can save you but yourself.
you will be put again and again
into nearly impossible situations.
they will attempt again and again
through subterfuge, guise and force
to make you submit, quit and /or die quietly inside.
 
Nobody can save you but yourself
and it will be easy enough to fail
so very easily
but don’t, don’t, don’t.
just watch them.
listen to them.
do you want to be like that?
a faceless, mindless, heartless being?
do you want to experience death before death?
 
Nobody can save you but yourself
and you’re worth saving.
it’s a war not easily won
but if anything is worth winning then
this is it.
think about it.
think about saving your self.
your spiritual self.
your gut self.
your singing magical self and
your beautiful self.
save it.
don’t join the dead-in-spirit.
maintain your self
with humor and grace
and finally
if necessary
wager your self as you struggle,
damn the odds, damn the price.
only you can save your self.
do it! do it!
then you’ll know exactly what
I am talking about."
 
~Charles Bukowski, “nobody but you” from Sifting Through the Madness for the Word, the Line, the Way, 2002

I had to underline the "wager your self" as I'm just not competitive, however, with all the challenges of living in a sluggish/broken system built by the dead and abused by the dead-in-spirit, it would be so sad not to wager my self. So inspiring!

 

Guy Dense

 Oh, sweet & sour & spicy Universe! Hear my pleas and guide me to a state of pure, true intention! Pummel me until I have no choice but to stop resisting! 

Sigh... there. 

It's becoming easier to stop forcing things. It's becoming clearer who I am and where I'm headed. Intuition is kicking in and it is straight up telling me things. I'm so hesitant to explain this right now, but I feel compelled to so here we go:

Last year I made a five-year goal to buy land. A vehicle that can travel in rural spots as well as carry supplies would be a necessity. My car's check engine light has been intermittently coming on and I recently found a business card as I was cleaning out my purse before taking a trip. The card is from an old friend that owns a mechanic shop. I remembered he would sometimes have vehicles to sell so I inquired about what he might have on hand. He only has two trucks. After work today I'm going to his shop and have a strong feeling that I am meant to buy one of these trucks. He's a trustworthy, generous dude so I'm not worried he'll sell me a turd and I have an ever-increasing list of complaints about my current vehicle I've had for seven years. A vehicle I desperately needed to escape my situation at the time. A vehicle attached to some downer energy. BUT, it has served its purpose and is paid off, including the down payment I borrowed from my parents. It's the first car I financed, which was great for my credit score. 

The title of this blog post is a play on words. Sounds like "guidance" and lately I have been open to guys. Dating, taking trips, chatting, thinkin' 'bout 'em. I made it a point to not commit to any particular guy for at least a year after my divorce, which is coming up fast (in eleven days, to be exact). Brandy and I both have "divorciversaries" this month and we're hoping to celebrate somehow. Haven't figured out how quite yet, but it's not something we take lightly. It's more of a celebration of our friendship than a celebration of dissolving our marriages, but hey, we're still proud of removing ourselves from something that wasn't meant for us. They say there are plenty of fish in the sea and damn, my happiness is a bucket of chum! I said "chum", mom! "CHUM"!

Y B Sad?

It's not hard to help in small ways. I get so sad thinking about what certain other people aren't doing, I should know better. It's not hard to see why they'd make different decisions than I would. The small ways I can help seem counterintuitive, but it turns out it's not selfish at all to make sure I'm happy and healthy. It's not selfish at all to make sure you're happy and healthy. 

There was a lot of processing in 2023, I've made less money this year than last, and even less than the year before that. Yet, I've never had more savings and I've never had more fun with my kids and I don't think I've ever felt so... proud and content and close to my friends and capable and worthy and free. I always knew there were great reasons to live simply and not go into debt and not make too many decisions without reducing the factor of stress by as much as possible. 

I started this post while I was very sad one day. But I finished this post the next day, after meditating and playing some Mario Kart with the kids and eating tres leches cake and remembering I have a three-day weekend. Sadness happens though, it's valid and life can always be better. But JESUS FUCKING CHRIST LIFE COULD BE SOOOO MUCH WORSE I'M KICKING MAJOR ASS! haha. Soon I'll get another tax return and my beloved cousin will move out here and I'm determined to keep deepening my connection to the ever-present well of wisdom that carries on unaffected by mankind's antics. 

Double You Nine Lives

Adsense just told me to fill out a W-9. That's kinda neat - I can have advertisements on my YouTube and blog and make money from them. After about ten years I've accumulated like, six dollars. Which I can't get paid until I reach a minimum of $100 in revenue. I don't put much effort at all into these things, but it's still neat thinking about it.

There was a customer at work today that said our Talavera Siesta Planter was offensive to Mexicans. Yes, she was a white lady. She said it may be seen as "Mexicans are lazy" and I said that I hadn't thought of it that way. Then again, I have been taking a lot of naps these days and don't consider myself lazy. Even though I've only made $6 in ten years off my online content. 

We got a kitten a few weeks ago! Her name is Sombra and I love her and her paws and claws:

She sure does poop and pee and nap a lot.

Washin' My Brain

What a rainy year in Colorado! Yesterday while leaving work the sky opened up and dumped all of it's contents right onto my car. There's an international jump rope competition happening in town, which sounds fun. One of the competitors from Japan was crossing the street in the downpour and didn't have an umbrella or anything, clutching their backpack and running with a smile on their face. My brother.

My friend April and her little son visited last week. We went to the park to have a picnic and it dumped rain that day too. We were able to eat under a tree without much disturbance (I used my reward points to get a free eight-piece fried chicken from Safeway!), but the rain kept getting heavier and heavier. We played in it a bit, running around the playground with a toddler in the rain is a wonderful experience. 

The kids and I are going to the same park Saturday, it's such a beautiful spot close-by. We're admittedly spoiled with natural beauty. Naomi turned 14 a couple days ago so we're inviting her friends to the park for some food and to get them together again before they start high school. I'm not a fan of middle school, so it's very exciting. Summer has been generous, I've been grilling more than ever, I joined a gym and look forward to some time in the steam room after work today.

My cousin and I have a five year plan to buy land and start building a place to stay. At first for vacations and then likely for retirement as it gets more accommodating. There are a few things I really want: outdoor shower, off-grid, chicken coop. The chickens will have to wait for a permanent resident, as will the dog. Gotta have a dog. 

The routine has been oh so good, friends are increasingly dear, kids are my heart and motivation, family is always with me, we're very, very fortunate. Which means I should write some different songs because I'm not as into decomposing as I once was.

12 Flavors

 Not to brag, but I received two gifts for Christmas. Both are drinkable. First, my dear cousin gave me a bottle of my favorite coconut water that I bought with SNAP benefits earlier in the week and he had hidden (and I was actually looking for yesterday, haha). Second was 12 different infused vodkas in sweet hand-labeled bottles from my amazing friend Brandy. Hazelnut, vanilla, lavender, cinnamon, coconut, lime, etc... really nice! I am going to her place tomorrow to make pear butter too. She's a great friend, probably the most loyal and generous person I've met. She rejects the thought of relying on someone else that doesn't sincerely want to help her. She makes it a point to be strong enough to go above and beyond.

I feel that. 

It's smart to be self-sufficient. It also feels good to help people when they're struggling, which is actually how I met her. The kids and I were in a homeless shelter with other mothers and children. It was what my then husband could afford for us, since I had just moved back from Florida after leaving him 6 months earlier and he had never been dependable enough to pay the bills for the length of a lease for as long as I'd known him. He reached out to strangers online to find a room to rent and found Brandy. Out of a complete mess came a life-long friend, so I have no regrets - especially as my life and choices continue to get better and better. Brandy and her then husband had a basement room with its own bathroom, and I've never had to go back to a shelter since. I've also never had to offend anyone with my beliefs. She is a wonderful Christian and doesn't fear open discussions about any topic under the sun. She split from her then husband and my then husband became a drunken, abusive psycho that we called the police on (again) so it was Brandy and I and our 4 kids for the summer. She got a job, and I watched the kids - we had our own little economy. Oddly, when she ended up selling the house as part of her divorce, I depended on my then husband again for a place to live. I suppose it was because I wanted him to provide for his children as I had been doing - even though he was still not taking care of his mental health. We stayed in another basement (far less comfortable, but still a great older woman that owned the home). Eventually I was able to find a job, then upgrade to a better job, then find a great deal on an apartment. Which is where I am now. The husband followed but couldn't hold it together for long and the police carted him off again for the last time. That was over two years ago now. All of the damage has not been undone, nor can it be, really. It is good to plainly see the damage though, to realize what I have control over. And so, so good to have my friend Brandy. And shout out to Cousin Matthew for keeping me from drinking the coconut water for a day:)

2 Many Sines

Jeesh, I haven't blogged in a hot minute. It's probably because I can't block certain people from reading it and I wish I could. So here it is, stuff I don't mind saying to every living person that may be looking:

I'm tired, people are sweet, they should act like it more. We need to let go of SO much in order to turn things into what we actually want and need. Like, don't even worry about the things that aren't life-sustaining. If you didn't justifiably risk your life for it, let that shit go. Time sensitive should have to do with saving a life, not getting something cool in time for an event that is purely for entertainment, fun, or unimportant tradition. Some self-important dick shouldn't convince you you're worthless if you can't assist them with their vision (and with haste). Open up to opportunities to say no because a lot of times it's not that they're asking a question - it's a demand and we only have so much energy, especially for those things that merely suck out our life force without reward or connection.

"Do it this way" - NO

"Work this weekend" - NO

"Work 40 hours every week" - NO

"Pretend you don't have children so you'll be more available to our company" - NO

"Do these things to someone else that you know would piss you off" - NO

"Quit trying to make things better" - NO

I've been avoiding actually saying "no" though. It's not in my nature. They don't actually make the above statements, it's very much how it feels like they're talking. And even when I say "I'll try", I'm sure they feel like I'm saying no. Having a job is an endless negotiation I'm tired of working through. Mainly because I don't have much faith in our current patriarchal set up. Some call it Satan's system. It's men. They just spent all this time doing things their way and everyone's like, "this sucks" and carries on like there's nothing new they can try that hasn't been explored NEARLY enough.

Tune in next time for a revealing blog about making things suck less and how YOU can join the movement.

All Boils Down Ta

Turns out it's really fun to use an app to make me look like a man. Being encouraged to stay home and away from others in this current pandemic situation has led to some simple pleasures resurfacing for me. Video games are fun, Sudoku is wonderful, doing nothing is perfect, being grateful floats my boat.

I've been trying for years to make it back to where I am now, actually, where I am now is better than where I was before. I'm even working from home! Which is actually kind of a lot to get used to. If only I had two monitors and a way better chair. Dang I sound privileged. And yet, here I am with obscene levels of self-discipline and time management skills making something work that I've been curious about for a long time. While the kids are home from school (yet still on Spring Break) I gave them chores to do before screen time and they're such good li'l people. Taking out trash and doing dishes... getting on each others nerves finally. They're pretty mild mannered. I love them so much. Probably wouldn't be so self-disciplined without them. Who knows. Who cares? It's TOO LATE! haha.

While stuff is closed, it hasn't been all that different for me lately. I've already gone a few weeks without performing at the open mic on Mondays and have mainly been socializing at a smaller scale, a few folks over at a time or going to a friend's house on occasion. A friend is going to video chat with me later too. Nice to get used to online chatting as an ever-present option. I chatted with my brother yesterday - so good to see and hear him.

People are definitely keeping more to themselves. There are some people out there that depend on seeing strangers in public for a living, it has to be a scary time for people that live day-to-day. What are homeless people doing? I wonder if some of them will get so scared they seek family. I wonder what those families will feel obligated to do. I have hope that there will be a great rekindling of families and a rearranging of values that benefits everyone.

Smelling Goot

Hi everyone/anyone! It's Friday! So WHAT?!

Definitely preferring me some Fridays lately, maybe because I've been majorly slacking on my Monday open mic nights, which is KILLING me. Still, love me a Friday. Random singing is returning to my life, produced an amazing song during my bath last night. Not recorded, just sang. Fleeting artistic expression in just vibrations and breath. Pretty. Temporary, like all of it. When I perform, this is what I find. Memories, feelings and experiences are the stuff people try so hard to hold onto. They could be continually making more and accepting that more of that good stuff CAN and WILL come to be. Dwelling on old memories as golden days has a down side. "Did I peak?" "What if this is as good as it gets?"

Let's create new, incredible experiences. With the amassed knowledge that comes with existing longer and longer in this realm, it will be so much fun. Grab your lovers, family and friends by the hands and enjoy life! Kiss them babies, eat the potatoes, grow out the beard, try the gadgets, smell the blossoms, and squish your butt into the laundry basket on the video chat.

BURNING

It's snowy up in here. Hoping to leave work early today, driving on icy roads is only made worse when it's dark out.

Wait... I'm actually in Hawaii right now. In a hammock. With the best margarita I've ever tasted. The kids are playing in the sand and the breeze is too right. A man with a surf board is walking up to me. Hold on...


He let me know that he appreciates my smile and gave me $40,000 and a puppy! It's a perfect little Clumber Spaniel that knows how to surf and his name is Yung Salty. We all walk back to our bungalow and make tie dye shirts and eat fresh papaya on the back patio, where a friendly yellow garden spider is wrapping up a snack as well. A neighbor comes over and asks if we can help her move a piece of furniture. I love seeing inside a new friend's dwelling, and hers is so beautifully decorated. Years of narrowing down just the right embellishments. What an artist. She invites us over for dinner on Sunday, several of her family members are coming and there will be so much food, kids and fun. We all like the sound of it. There are no assumptions about our individual levels of wickedness, it's a simple life.

The H8ing Game

Went over to a friend's place yesterday for a jam session last night. We were gifted a li'l beginner guitar recently and my daughter has been learning chords and dear Brittney offered to teach her (yay, friends!) routine is establishing itself in our lives - mostly routine awesomeness. The friends that challenge me to not be stagnant are definitely chipping away at the depression.

I have a problem with being a thing. Like, "comic" or "musician". It comes with preconceived expectations and rules. "Are they funny?" "Can they sing/play?" When the microphone is in my hand I am in therapy, not everyone signed up for this crap. I suppose I'd still call myself an entertainer, as that comes naturally AF.

Qwik-E

The gig from August got me a paying gig for this weekend. That's neat-o! I'm hosting an all-female comedy show on October 5th in Pueblo.

There have been some great moments recently with friends and some gut-wrenching moments with my improving connection to my intuition. My upbringing was not well-suited for me, it had me refusing to trust myself for some important decisions. The thing is: I'm not an idiot. However, I was taught to believe all humans are basically idiots with bad intentions. Smart enough to ruin it for everyone else and that's it. It is a lot to come to terms with and not just be totally depressed. I'm an anti-cynic disguised as a cynic :)

I'm married to someone with the same upbringing. Plus trauma?! What a mess. Oh lord, have mercy.

Sometimes I think about a time when my children are adults and perhaps it turns out they're struggling to deal with emotions or have a mental illness of their own they must cope with. It is unimaginable that shunning them would be an option at all. Refusing to admit to my own possible oversight in raising them, when they're right there suffering. Sometimes I feel like all some parents would have to do is acknowledge that they should have done things a little differently. Should have encouraged pursuing college at an earlier age (earlier than my senior year of high school, when they offered to buy me a car if I got a scholarship yet didn't offer to help pay for college or any further education). Should have let me have relationships prior to moving (incredibly far) out at 21. Should have refrained from pressuring me to literally marry the first guy that boinked me. Eh, I guess they're perfect (even though that is TOTALLY against their religion to believe). Haha. It's funny and I'm smart and I will never shun my children and I am definitely not about to give up everything I've earned in this life to be "good" according to some wacky band of old dudes. Some wackier than others. Hahaha, y'all JWs know which one I'm talking about:D

In Formation

Hiyeeeee. I'm hosting a comedy show tomorrow in Pueblo, Colorado. I don't have any "material" per se, but I'm an improvisor anyways. Brittney Geisler booked this gig and while we're not getting money, we're gaining some pretty sweet experience for a couple of dorks with a year under our belt of regularly performing. Later this month I'm also recording some vocals with the delicious Ferret and his funky, fresh vibes. This past week saw some interesting collaborations at the open mic. I'm feeling the need to focus on some solo stuff in the nearest future possible.

The kids will be in school next week, it's going to be great for them. Naomi and I have been enjoying our Minecraft time, however. I punched a horse to death in front of her two foals. It was nothing like real life. Naomi and I need to work on a cartoon, she has already animated some little, fun things - a duck farting, "LOL" "memes" etc etc. What a li'l genius. Roland spiked his hair this morning before I left for work and I complimented him and he thanked me. It was just adorable. He came into my room before I got out of bed and just looked at me with his sweet face.

I spent the night at my cousins' (Matthew and Alex) place over the weekend. They live less than a mile from VooDoo Doughnuts in Denver and we walked there and got doughnuts, including but not limited to the bacon maple bar (my favorite). They are in an amazing location. Dangerous (because of the proximity to doughnuts).

BYEEEEEEE

'til Death

Marriage is so metal. When the only person I can control is me, the only reason I would go insane is if I didn't learn to let go of the unimportant. It doesn't mean I have to stop loving anyone any less. Loving myself is important if I'm to remain capable of taking care of what I must. Especially the children. It's unimaginable that I would refuse to do whatever I had to to make sure my kids were able to grow, learn and empower themselves. Even more reason to do what I must to commit to sanity and health. I'm not doing bad.