Washin' My Brain

What a rainy year in Colorado! Yesterday while leaving work the sky opened up and dumped all of it's contents right onto my car. There's an international jump rope competition happening in town, which sounds fun. One of the competitors from Japan was crossing the street in the downpour and didn't have an umbrella or anything, clutching their backpack and running with a smile on their face. My brother.

My friend April and her little son visited last week. We went to the park to have a picnic and it dumped rain that day too. We were able to eat under a tree without much disturbance (I used my reward points to get a free eight-piece fried chicken from Safeway!), but the rain kept getting heavier and heavier. We played in it a bit, running around the playground with a toddler in the rain is a wonderful experience. 

The kids and I are going to the same park Saturday, it's such a beautiful spot close-by. We're admittedly spoiled with natural beauty. Naomi turned 14 a couple days ago so we're inviting her friends to the park for some food and to get them together again before they start high school. I'm not a fan of middle school, so it's very exciting. Summer has been generous, I've been grilling more than ever, I joined a gym and look forward to some time in the steam room after work today.

My cousin and I have a five year plan to buy land and start building a place to stay. At first for vacations and then likely for retirement as it gets more accommodating. There are a few things I really want: outdoor shower, off-grid, chicken coop. The chickens will have to wait for a permanent resident, as will the dog. Gotta have a dog. 

The routine has been oh so good, friends are increasingly dear, kids are my heart and motivation, family is always with me, we're very, very fortunate. Which means I should write some different songs because I'm not as into decomposing as I once was.

FreeDump

There are a lot of really great free things. Air, our senses, learning, talking, friendship, walking, pointing at stuff, taking a satisfying poop (outdoors), body heat, interesting rocks, percussive rhythm, story listening, singing, blinking, scratching, etc. etc. etc.

I just listened to a morning guided meditation, which had me feeling like a mountain stream going over a water wheel, powering my own dreams. When I think about my dreams I realize how simple I am - all I truly want is joy and love. Specifics don't interest me. There is something calling me and a meaningful path ahead of me and it hasn't been paved or maintained or lit or recognized by others as a path at all. The only way I see it is when I take a step further into it. How can one plan their route when the end goal is so obscure? When the dream is a feeling? When it is something that requires swift adaptation and effortless compromise? At least I can be organized in thought enough to write in a journal or blog. To hold a job and feed my kids. To maintain friendships and lessen their hardships and eat some tortilla chips with various types of dips - a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. There's a place for me in the universe and it really doesn't matter what my immediate surroundings think about it - here I am. Not taking up too much space. Not being demanding. What I need comes to me when I actually need it and I used to feel so desperate. What happens when all your life you're regularly told how many hours per month you should feel inclined to share your faith with other humans (and that faith has DETAILS, baby!)? It may be about sacrifice, you tell yourself. Then that's great to hear, because I'm sacrificing a great deal to find the truth about love. I'm not afraid of men or their laws or expectations - I'm not afraid of the women that will support these ideas until death - I'm not afraid of being poor - I'm not afraid of being shunned - I'm not afraid of confrontation - I'm not afraid of thought, especially my own, wonderful thoughts. I was born an anti-cynic. My brain produces its own anti-depressants, it's starting to produce anti-anxiety chemicals too. How many hours a month do I preach now? ALL OF THEM! Hahahahahahahahahahaaha! Did you know that inanimate and dead things aren't jealous of us living things? They're just fine as they are. Trust me. Or don't.

Scoops Part 3

These last couple commercials get a little artsy. Which is right up MY alley! Actually I just finished watching the second season of Baskets and it is also an artsy type of comedy - ala Louis C.K. - a lovely shift in comedy culture and no shift in man culture. Can't have it all I suppose.