Guy Dense

 Oh, sweet & sour & spicy Universe! Hear my pleas and guide me to a state of pure, true intention! Pummel me until I have no choice but to stop resisting! 

Sigh... there. 

It's becoming easier to stop forcing things. It's becoming clearer who I am and where I'm headed. Intuition is kicking in and it is straight up telling me things. I'm so hesitant to explain this right now, but I feel compelled to so here we go:

Last year I made a five-year goal to buy land. A vehicle that can travel in rural spots as well as carry supplies would be a necessity. My car's check engine light has been intermittently coming on and I recently found a business card as I was cleaning out my purse before taking a trip. The card is from an old friend that owns a mechanic shop. I remembered he would sometimes have vehicles to sell so I inquired about what he might have on hand. He only has two trucks. After work today I'm going to his shop and have a strong feeling that I am meant to buy one of these trucks. He's a trustworthy, generous dude so I'm not worried he'll sell me a turd and I have an ever-increasing list of complaints about my current vehicle I've had for seven years. A vehicle I desperately needed to escape my situation at the time. A vehicle attached to some downer energy. BUT, it has served its purpose and is paid off, including the down payment I borrowed from my parents. It's the first car I financed, which was great for my credit score. 

The title of this blog post is a play on words. Sounds like "guidance" and lately I have been open to guys. Dating, taking trips, chatting, thinkin' 'bout 'em. I made it a point to not commit to any particular guy for at least a year after my divorce, which is coming up fast (in eleven days, to be exact). Brandy and I both have "divorciversaries" this month and we're hoping to celebrate somehow. Haven't figured out how quite yet, but it's not something we take lightly. It's more of a celebration of our friendship than a celebration of dissolving our marriages, but hey, we're still proud of removing ourselves from something that wasn't meant for us. They say there are plenty of fish in the sea and damn, my happiness is a bucket of chum! I said "chum", mom! "CHUM"!

Sweaterz

"HeeeEeeeeY"

A lovely woman named Theresa gave me a couple sweaters recently - people are darling!

I'm attempting to pin down some lyrics for this track:

It's not always easy, or ever easy. Either it's difficult to put something into words, or it was difficult before putting it into words.

Tomorrow I start training for a new job at a call center, just answering billing questions and taking payments and doing stuff in peoples accounts and hopefully rising to the top of the company and smoking cigars and owning a sports team or whatever. Can you own a tennis player? It's just a one person team and seems somehow wrong, doesn't it? I guess I should at least TRY to own a tennis player one day.

Tuesday was my last day at a temporary job helping at a voter service and polling center as a supervisor. It was actually quite exciting being in a position like that, my team was fantastic and I was able to connect with all of them - they seemed to appreciate my temperament too. I'd like to thank my dad for the natural leadership abilities, he ran a business and lead a team of workers excellently. You certainly cannot demand respect from people, but it will come when they see your impressive work ethic and the pride you take in a job well done. When it becomes hectic or there are setbacks, solutions are there. We ran out of a form and someone went and made copies. We had huge crowds and got them all taken care of. I saw someone getting worn out and gave them a more manageable task. All with a smile because that junk was FUN and no one was even close to dying so there was nothing to freak out about. A couple of friends came in to vote too. A familiar face is such a delight!

Open mic night on Monday was also really fun, I laughed heartily when Oshee stood with the mic stand oddly dragging between his legs. I received a copy of an experimental spoken-word recording from Brandon. Matt can improvise so flawlessly when a heckler arises. Sarah is an amazing poet that gets on stage and delivers hilarious one-liners. Dude with a moustache poured his cringey heart out. George did weird stuff (very well!) What a night. I'm determined to perform next time. Therapy yesterday was great too - the last few minutes were spent gushing over Tim & Eric. Haha.

Brothers & Sisters

Lately I've felt the urge to call my friends "brothers" and "sisters". A giant wall comes down mentally for people when you put yourself so close to them in your friendship. When you hug them like family and they don't really know how they deserve it. I take pride in my hugs and the accomplishments of my friends.

Lately I've wanted to say what's on my mind and whether or not I'm judged isn't up to me. Putting in a little extra effort to be kind to people goes a long way. There are people that have given me looks, looks that tell me I'm too forceful. After a few more encounters these same people will now hug me like family. Hell yes, I AM forceful.

Lately I've felt like myself, relearned what I am and do and feel and need. Everyone needs a good cry. Everyone needs to laugh more. Everyone should be a little more comfortable doing either one. Both at the same time is fun.

Last night I spent the night at my cousins place and today we're going to an amusement park! Just another standard, beautiful day. Days like these give me the strength to keep challenging the status quo.

Forceful

---

Your sister

All 2 Common

Sometimes I'll look on Craigslist at the strictly platonic personal section to read what women are writing in their attempt to make friends. There are so many women about my age realizing they have no friends and I enjoy meeting new people, so maybe if someone writes something good enough, I'll respond. I tried meeting one lady, but then I got sick when we were supposed to go out to dinner and had to cancel. Then it seems that another lady she also met via Craigslist became the friend she was looking for anyways. I was invited to an expensive Mother's Day brunch they were going to and I had to decline for lack of money (and lack of ever celebrating Mother's Day, so I could care less - which would probably be the most sad and shocking thing these women have ever heard).

I posted on Craigslist to advertise my pet portraits and someone that lives in my neighborhood sent me a text. They liked my art and wanted to know if I'd teach their kid how to use colored pencils. We were going to meet at the park, but then they cancelled and when I tried to reschedule recently they never responded.

I'm starting to see what's wrong with a seemingly vast majority of people. We aren't really into people. It's sad when we don't get to know our neighbors and so many don't have friends. I'm getting infected too. I don't tend to hang out with people that are different than me. Is it because there's no benefit to it? No - it's because I'm a butthole and I just want people around me that will understand everything I say and laugh at my jokes. Should I just accept that? Probably. But I prefer the turmoil that comes with trying. The butthole that wouldn't quit. I'm an "in-your-face" kind of butthole! A great tagline for someone that wants to be your friend. Spell check keeps hating on the butt+hole compound word. Spell check is a butthole.