Dunking Doughnuts

Hey gang. At the library again. Computer #37. Let me just say: I look great today. Makes me feel great. It's going to be a wonderful week, there have been many wonderful weeks these days - excitement and shared wisdom and enough extraverted communication and deep conversation to keep me stimulated and brimming with bubbly, annoying levels of joy. It's MEEEEEE - APRIIIIIIIL!

Who doesn't love a confident weirdo?! (I know some people don't and I'd really like an explanation.)

Possibilities aplenty. So plentiful it may be hard to focus, especially with this librarian's amazing and stylish ponytail right in front of me, uuugggh cute. Also, there's a dude here with sunglasses on (indoors) that include a frame for his third eye. hahahahaha. haha. ha. WOKE.

The kids being in school is insane to me. What a privilege. They even feed them?! wow. Tonight is the delightful open mic. I've got some phone calls to make and then some driving to do and then some lunch to eat and some life to live and some energy to burn on the stuff I actually CHOOSE to do. Can you tell I'm out from under the heavy weight of depression? It's possible! It's possible and it's HERE! I can achieve success!!! AAAHHH!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA  AAAAHHH!!!! (I guess)

Tim Time :(

Time to discuss Tim. He's a yeller. He yells at his kids for several minutes straight because he doesn't know how to cope with his own stress. My kids and I planned on going to the river today and Tim was coming to the house to take his kids since he has joint custody with his ex-wife, my roommate. We kindly invited Tim to follow us there if he would like. Things were okay for a while, then the cork popped and for 15 minutes he yelled at the kids. He yelled at them for being too far, for being on rocks, for getting wet, for forgetting to bring towels, for finding raspberries, for taking too long to get their shoes on, and probably for other reasons that I didn't quite catch while I attempted to relax by a lovely river.

Here is my face in the 12th minute:

Some people have no clue what they're doing to the people around them. I told Tim that he yells a lot. He started saying things like, "well I'm going through stuff with my landlord... I had a hard day at work... I woke up late... etc. etc" I said, "Tim, those are all excuses and have nothing to do with me. I'm still hearing you yell a lot." He said, "I know" then continued yelling at his kids immediately. He only allows himself to live in the miserable moments and can't see what is right in front of him. Can't even appreciate this absolutely GORGEOUS environment. My kids got their shoes on and we were gone without saying goodbye and had a yummy dinner at La Casita!

All-in-all it was an amazing day! Naomi turned 9 today and I was able to get her the full version of Minecraft (she previously just had the pocket edition on her tablet and it was killing her when she couldn't do something that a YouTube video described because it wasn't meant for the pocket edition). We had a picnic lunch at a park where they have free pottery and poetry class-type-things, then went to the nearby Penny Arcade and had a blast. After that we came home to make sure Tim could get his kids. If children planned out our days here and there, we would all be much better off. As for Tim, all I can do is be a good example and wait until he asks for advice before giving him any - he assumes I'm a godless heathen for not believing what he does.

Bonus Side-Story!!!

There was a homeless man at La Casita named Anthony that was close to having a heat stroke when I arrived. We had a great discussion about life and by the time he left he had amazing energy. He has a 15 year old daughter and his ex and her new husband dislike him greatly. I let him know they had plenty of life left to live. He nearly started crying and said he really needed to hear that. I gave him a big hug and it was obvious he didn't get those very often. From near heat stroke to renewed spirit in under 10 minutes or your money back! That's the April Compo guarantee.

I'm Prove It

With somewhat short notice I decided to go ahead and audition for an improv troupe here in town. Rusty? Yes. Enthusiastic? Yes. Entertaining? At certain points, for sure! It doesn't even matter if I make it into the troupe, there is something out there for me. Many opportunities have arisen just from presenting my own weird self to other creative types. One of the fellers in the troupe is strikingly similar to the owner of the data center I worked at, which is exciting because the first guy was willing to hire me so perhaps I actually get to do this thing. They don't even get together and practice or perform all that often and I can brush up on my presentation skills (and learn how to end a scene!)between practice. As a matter of fact, I've already started watching YouTube videos on the art of Improv. Performing is my favorite and most fulfilling form of expression. It's art that I don't need any supplies for and y'all know how cheap I am!

From mud wrestler to philosopher to politician to sugar mama, people have all kinds of ideas about the kind of existence I should embrace. Listening has become easier. Deciding has become easier. Boundaries have become easier.

There is also the "job" part of life and that seems to be lining up too. Once the kids are in school I won't have the childcare work and I'll be able to search in earnest for a job that aligns with my experience within a creative field. An administrative position at a company that prints poetry was recently brought to my attention. Hurling myself into the things that energize me has been juicing me UP. It's my own fault for letting anything get in the way of that in the past. The discouragement was all just a test, rejection is actually good. Infinity comforts me, for amongst it I know there will always be a place for me - and the place I am is right where I belong.

Win in Roam

There has come a time where my boundaries were crossed. After making the right decisions, here I was again, faced with the consequences of another's decisions. Taking them upon myself is the wrong decision, always has been. It became habit, perhaps "kept the peace", I thought to myself. No it absolutely did not keep the peace. There is a way to be peaceful about rejecting someone else's consequences, someone else's burden. Respond without anger, but firmly state the line was crossed. Stand your ground and keep your word. Don't give in to fear, don't let them convince you they did nothing, don't believe the invalidating you've trained yourself to gravitate toward. Fair warning isn't even necessary when someone is doing something to you that they would never want done to them. That law is already in them and every time they disregard it, they need to feel it. The universe knows how to take care of it so much better than you. Let it, for the love of all that is good and holy, LET IT! There isn't even a reason for anger or revenge, what poisonous concepts. Does it sound too good to be true? It isn't. It's incredibly difficult for a loving, generous, empathetic person to let someone suffer under the weight of their own misdeeds. Believe me though, it is more loving to let the universe teach them than to shield them any longer. If they're truly willing to accept help, they will get it. There are infinite ways it can reach them and none of those ways include making you feel like total crap on a stick. If they never learn to accept help, it has nothing to do with you.