Judge (but not jury)

I've been training this week for a temporary electoral judge job. They even think I can be supervisor, which sure is sweet of them. I've never voted and am unaffiliated - suppose I just want to learn how this democracy thing works. Being an educated voter would be the only way I would feel inclined to vote and I've never been educated in politics. It's easy to say, "hey that policy sounds great!" and it turns out to be some crafty way to manipulate people, I'm wary. There was a lovely young woman by the name of Sara there training as well - maybe she'll even READ this! Anywho, she is studying political science to learn specifically about policy writing and is also a fan of BoJack Horseman. This world will probably be okay.

In other news: this weekend should be fun. I'm going to be done moving into a weird basement scenario and then I'm picking up my cousin Matthew for super fun crazy cousin crap... I guess. Maybe we'll write and produce a musical in a matter of hours. That'll probably be what happens. It wouldn't surprise me. I improvised this anti-depressant of a number just this morning:

Dunking Doughnuts

Hey gang. At the library again. Computer #37. Let me just say: I look great today. Makes me feel great. It's going to be a wonderful week, there have been many wonderful weeks these days - excitement and shared wisdom and enough extraverted communication and deep conversation to keep me stimulated and brimming with bubbly, annoying levels of joy. It's MEEEEEE - APRIIIIIIIL!

Who doesn't love a confident weirdo?! (I know some people don't and I'd really like an explanation.)

Possibilities aplenty. So plentiful it may be hard to focus, especially with this librarian's amazing and stylish ponytail right in front of me, uuugggh cute. Also, there's a dude here with sunglasses on (indoors) that include a frame for his third eye. hahahahaha. haha. ha. WOKE.

The kids being in school is insane to me. What a privilege. They even feed them?! wow. Tonight is the delightful open mic. I've got some phone calls to make and then some driving to do and then some lunch to eat and some life to live and some energy to burn on the stuff I actually CHOOSE to do. Can you tell I'm out from under the heavy weight of depression? It's possible! It's possible and it's HERE! I can achieve success!!! AAAHHH!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA  AAAAHHH!!!! (I guess)

2 Legit 2 B Quiet

I'm gaining the tools to cope with the stress that life brings. There's a ton of anxiety on the planet and when you don't even realize it has an effect on you, you don't even realize you can do anything about it. Excuses get in the way for sure, who really wants to be responsible for preparing for the utter crappiness that inevitably finds us? What if we don't have anyone to explain things to us in a way that makes sense? What if those that want to help us just make assumptions based on their own experiences? What if we think we're crazy? What if we ain't got time? What if we're told not to even have certain thoughts? What if we're told to stop crying or they'll GIVE us something to cry about? What if that same person loves you more than anyone else in the world has loved you?

It sure is difficult to separate the person from the behavior. It sure is difficult to accept that someone you love is not responsible for your happiness. Even with 99.99% good intentions there is a tiny, little bit that is doing it for themselves in some way. They want to prove something. This isn't terribly cynical or unrealistic, folks. Some would rather the person they "love" be forever unsuccessful than to accept that their way doesn't actually help everyone on the planet. Now THAT is unrealistic.

Taking my own mental health seriously has been a wacky journey, as I'm sure most are. Thankfully I have long-established habits that have kept me afloat in extremely rough times. Expressing myself openly, honestly, and creatively has and always will be a part of my life. That doesn't mean I should rant angrily, it doesn't mean I intend to offend, it doesn't mean I'm more important than anyone else. It's just what I do for me. It is always nice when others approve, relate, appreciate and encourage, but even if they didn't I would still do it. Imagine a place where all emotions are expressed in a healthy way. It's helpful to self-validate. There's no one to fight in this place.