Geez Us

The library has become my sanctuary. I've already been coming here pretty regularly to print stuff and get books and movies and now I'm here multiple times a week. The latest book I read (and just finished today) was A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. It made sense, surprisingly, and it confirmed my belief that infinity is more likely than not. This might sound stupid or impossible: I saw infinity - felt it - experienced it(?) It led me to the conclusion that I read about in the book: no boundaries. Even though there was a "beginning" the universe was infinitely curved and our perception of time can't really apply. There is the idea of "imaginary time", which might actual be more real than our "real time" and let's not even get into multiple dimensions right now because I should probably be focusing on getting some crappy job in this "real" universe in order to afford "real" Internet. The comments about God in the book are interesting, there is always some input by some religious groups about what scientists are observing and theorizing. It's like the masses have to have science chewed up and fed to them by religion or they refuse to even taste it. At least that's what some religions are like. Culture needs to shift a bit, methinks. We all have purpose without a definition, much like the understanding of physics throughout time we'll never know everything and change is inevitable and there are negative and positive energies, particles and anti-particles at work that we have no way to predict or fully observe but HEY, we're here. The book also made some comments about modern philosophy and it felt as if those comments were directed at me personally.


The other two books I started reading are about women stuff. Leadership and regaining our diminished confidence, basically. To hear growing up that "you can do anything" then immediately "well, you probably don't want to do that because...[something about tits]" makes for a confusing message. Feeling stuck has been a major theme in my life. One I've overcome time and time again. This life won't last forever and while I've faced some negative B.S., I now realize it may very well be because I'm such a positive force. Seeing that makes my positive mass expand and I will cancel out a whole bunch of negative in my lifetime. It's fun for me. Ooooo, thunder just struck. All these afternoon storms are fantastic and much needed. Blessings!

I'm Prove It

With somewhat short notice I decided to go ahead and audition for an improv troupe here in town. Rusty? Yes. Enthusiastic? Yes. Entertaining? At certain points, for sure! It doesn't even matter if I make it into the troupe, there is something out there for me. Many opportunities have arisen just from presenting my own weird self to other creative types. One of the fellers in the troupe is strikingly similar to the owner of the data center I worked at, which is exciting because the first guy was willing to hire me so perhaps I actually get to do this thing. They don't even get together and practice or perform all that often and I can brush up on my presentation skills (and learn how to end a scene!)between practice. As a matter of fact, I've already started watching YouTube videos on the art of Improv. Performing is my favorite and most fulfilling form of expression. It's art that I don't need any supplies for and y'all know how cheap I am!

From mud wrestler to philosopher to politician to sugar mama, people have all kinds of ideas about the kind of existence I should embrace. Listening has become easier. Deciding has become easier. Boundaries have become easier.

There is also the "job" part of life and that seems to be lining up too. Once the kids are in school I won't have the childcare work and I'll be able to search in earnest for a job that aligns with my experience within a creative field. An administrative position at a company that prints poetry was recently brought to my attention. Hurling myself into the things that energize me has been juicing me UP. It's my own fault for letting anything get in the way of that in the past. The discouragement was all just a test, rejection is actually good. Infinity comforts me, for amongst it I know there will always be a place for me - and the place I am is right where I belong.