Inside me is a draining, cranky demon. I'm grumpy. It makes me so tired to have this frustration sitting heavily on my heart. Maybe I miss my family in Florida while the hurricanes keep blowing through, maybe I want a different job, maybe I need a vacation, maybe I'm sick of responsibility, maybe I'm not doing something I should be, maybe it's getting dark too early already, maybe I should be on pills, maybe I wish there was more I could do about things I can't do anything about, maybe I can do something I just haven't thought of what to do yet and now I'm too tired to think of it.
Sometimes I'll tell myself that my life is blissfully filled with peace and maybe I'm just being dramatic thinking I'm mentally ill all the time. But I also can't help but think it's a good thing to feel unsettled inside, like it's incredibly wrong to stay here and stagnant, you fool! RUN! HIDE!!!
I saw a woman on the sidewalk today that looked just like my grandma. It made me cry and think about what it would be like to have her with me right now. She would definitely understand and stay positive and be so comforting.
I'd give her a pistachio muffin and green smoothie. She'd get a kick out of it.
