Something

I'm so big and pregnant. And pretty darn excited. Less than two months and I'll have a soft, little, sickeningly cute dumpling of a person that hardly has the strength to cry. Aw.

They just scratch up their face and need to be burped and squirm around and suck (literally).

Tiny, little diapers. For his tiny, little booty-butt.

He's gunna love his sister:

She is an entertainer.

Ugh, she steals my heart.
...and her dad steals her nose and eats it once in a while. She acts like she hates it, but she loves it.

C@ (cat) Lady

I had a dream last night that there were tons of kittens under a porch and they were sickly and flea-ridden. There were like, four mother cats that were skinny from nursing their kittens without eating. Then I saw a blackbird flying and one of the mother cats jumped up and caught the bird right behind my head as it was flying. I could feel the cat brush against my ponytail. Then I saw the cat choke the bird on the ground. I wanted to help the kittens/cats and maybe put up an add on Craigslist, but I also had a brief thought about killing them since I figured it was just too many cats to find homes for. But THEN I though if I wrote an awesome enough story about their plight, people would be all about taking the gross kittens.

But I kinda hate when people have a long story about their animal that they're just looking to get rid of.

I'm so unsure of Craigslist.

I'm glad that was just a dream though, 'cause I would have to do something about all those starving cats if I really did find them under a porch.

'tAin't Right

Oh circumcision! How you haunt my every thought!

Somebody please tell me whether or not to cut my son's foreskin off!

Anyways, now that that is out of the way: I think a decision has been made regarding the name of this child who may or may not continue to have foreskin forever...

...Roland Grey Compo!

oh wow, I've never written it out before. It looks good. Strong. myes.

It started snowing this evening. Looked like a snow globe outside of WalMart, where we purchased an ice scraper, red potatoes and underwear.

I'm beginning to hate television. People spend so much time watching it that they don't have time to read my blog! It's not like I post very often.

I gotta go. This WalMart underwear is KILLING me.

Thriller

Went to Blue River, CO over the weekend and stayed in a cabin with the best group of people one could stay in a cabin with. It's just a few minutes south of Breckenridge. Whatever that means.

Cabin trip essentials:
1. Too much food
2. Hot tub
3. Cider
4. Chap stick
5. More food
6. Camera
7. Fire
8. Michael Jackson T-shirt

As they say: "Eight is Enough"

It was just too bad I couldn't enjoy some booze. I'm having a boy BTW. Just as the dream prophesied. Well... it had a 50-50 chance of being right.

BOO YAH!

crAPP for that

Yo Y'all! I'm lovin' my job! Ain't even right!

It's "hump" day. hmm. okay.

My belly is a hump. I thought within this blog I would make my first online mention of the pregnancy I am knee-deep in. Seriously half over with. It is flippin' around in my guts, playing with my innards like a true thug. What?

I had a dream it was a boy. I will actually find out Tuesday via ultrasound. Shouldn't there be a newer term for those? like: Mega-UltraSoundX1000? Anyways, they're good these days. Is there an ultrasound app yet? COOL!

CrAzAy! I love vitamin B.

hYpErLiNk

I want to learn something on my own today. Well, not on my own... with the aid of the highly informative "internet". I'll experiment.

My cousin told me to check out a video on YouTube that he's in. It is actually kinda great.

Dat Red Velvet Cake will make you want dat red dye. One small issue I have with it, however, is the lack of cream cheese frosting. Poor planning I assume.

I love new clothes. I love massages. I love homemade cookies. I love wiffle ball.

Dah Tah

AAAAnd here I are!

I'm working at a data center. It is much like learning a new language. It IS learning a new language. Mostly learning the long versions of acronyms actually. The spoken language isn't fast enough for some people ya know. I'm trying to find ways to describe what it is a data center does without boring everyone. We all enjoy our internets and all the more so when it's better connected to the entire world and faster and easier etc. Why don't the majority of people give a crap? I didn't delve into technology while in school. I'm a little bit sad and also realize not that many people want to be considered "nerds", but now those nerds are pretty well off. Or at least should be. If they know what they're worth. Because while we're all sitting around wondering what cookies are they're zipping through cyber space on a virtual Ferrari filled with funny cat pictures.

So, I'm going to try and find ways to explain what it is we do. Without causing people to drool and stare blankly... at cat pictures.

July To Me

   So. July was a sad attempt at blogging. I apologize gang. This post is going to be various forms of "sorry" and "my bad" and "yeah, I know, just the one weird post with hardly any words" and "I hate myself". Things might start to get a little heated when I type something like, "you know, you could have been more supportive" and "I lived a large portion of the month in a freaky hotel with the shirtless KKK dude and all other forms of crack heads" and "you know what? I don't have to ask for forgiveness from you, I have no obligations at all to provide you with awesome reading material at no cost to you!".
  Life has changed. Undoubtedly for the better. Which probably means I'll be neglecting this blog because *we hate it when our friends become successful* . Talking about all the good stuff is for facebook because that's how we let our relatives know we're not in a dumpster somewhere. I use this blog during hard times to be humorous. I needed something to do to occupy my withering brain. This isn't a definite plan to neglect anything. So stop being such a baby.
  I'm now in Colorado. I not only love it here, here loves me right back. I will probably soon forget this statement and get right back to blogging. You know, what I'm really trying to say is: I have no idea what I'm saying.
  In conclusion, be careful about choosing a hotel and don't let your brain wither. It was really withering in July. Wither and thither.

I found a funny picture in my in-laws computer. It's from the best wedding in history. The marriage of Jason and April and Tree. Tree left Jason and I for some skanky shrub in mid 2009. There were plenty of signs it was unhappy, starting when we walked away from it to go eat. I saw a little tear of sap rolling down it's bark. It was ill-conceived, I know.

Ritualisticky

 

  

 

  

You're welcome.

Canned Meat

People are zombies. I'm moving back to Colorado soon. I wonder if there are fewer zombies there. I think a nice, fresh brain sounds pretty good right about now. What's up with canned meat? Does anyone else think that's freaky? I got yelled at tonight by a guy driving next to me, he was SO angry. He said the "F" word and called me an idiot. As if he even knows. He was the one signalling that he was going right, and then quickly changed his mind and thought he needed to be in my lane as I was slowing down to make a left turn, and yes, I signaled. Has everyone here forgotten how to signal? Unfortunately my window was down and he was able to scream directly into it. "Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge, I'm tryin' not to lose my head. hahaha ha ha." mmmm, good song. It IS like a jungle sometimes! I DO often wonder how I keep from going under! I would love to go down under though. To Outback Steak House. I'm sure there are rules though, like: you have to pay your bill. You probably can't punch people either. psh. I just got that tired feeling, the feeling you get that makes you rub your face with your hands. Maybe crack your knuckles. You know.

Boys

I've kept a journal since I was twelve (1997), well, actually before that, but I no longer have the earliest diary (with a unicorn on it that I bought from a book fair in elementary school with all the change I had saved up to buy it) so I don't know when I started keeping a journal. I really enjoy keeping it up-to-date. I try not to write in it when I'm SUPER pissed, but it happens. That's why you should never read it. None of you. But you probably already knew that you shouldn't read someones personal journal/diary (unless you're retarded/the author is dead). I wouldn't mind if my journals were read after I died. I would be dead. so. If you read my journal now, I will be dead to you. If you wait until I'm dead, it will keep me alive in the sense that you will learn even more about me than you ever cared to know. I don't write terribly often. I hope to give it an overall humorous tone. I wish I did more sketches, but I always just go back to the regular cursive writing of a twelve year old. I really like looking back through the years and remembering all the emotions from all the events/lack of events I've experienced. I love the times I would write about boys, although it was usually just my imagination that would get anywhere with them. Now that I've made you want to read my stupid journal, let me remind you: don't. Unless I'm dead.

Or this guy will come and get you while you're sleeping.

Hanky

I'm alive!

I have to tell you, I like veggie burgers. I had a good one in DC at the Luna Cafe:

So big. So lentil-filled. I want one so bad right now. We went back to this cafe the next day and I got eggs benedict for brunch. I tried to make my own veggie burger patties once. It was sad. I used lentils and tofu... I have no idea what else... maybe some flour. They didn't hold together very well. Florida doesn't take kindly to vegetarian diets. This kid at the library farted near us once, and he obviously ONLY ate beef. I was like:

NOOOOOOOO!  This guy knows. He's so tormented. This was a sculpture at the National Gallery in DC. Seeing all kinds of art is so humbling. AnyWHOOOOOOO... Naomi loves taking pictures with my camera. Here's one that's pretty fun:

So there you have it. Another blog post. Bye.

Tie Knee

That salad spinner/chopper from MyCokeRewards.com was a total piece of CRaP!

Also, on this date four years ago, Jason and I got marriaged.

I love you baby boob booby boo!!!

Look at ya, bein' my soul mate and what-not.

We went to Washington DC and Virginia for our anniversary. Virginia IS for lovers.

It was fun timez. Just wish it wasn't over already.

Post Title

Gubernatorial

haha, funny word.

Cuckold is funny too. Except for the definition. 

I like interacting with other people at work. There was a really cool customer that came in today. He asked me what's shakin' and he was wearing a wonderfully stupid pair of sunglasses (indoors and also during a thunderstorm). 

There's a Madagascar 3 and I wasn't aware of Madagascar 2, or perhaps I forgot all about the second Madagascar because I care very little about all of them. I just know my nephew likes to "move it move it".

Dulce de Leche Cheerios smell good. I wish there was a Dulce de Leche Cheerios scented candle out there. Sometimes I want to eat candles, but I know I shouldn't because they're all waxy.

The worst!

I like a good nose.

The Madness

My child keeps spitting

My ends are splitting

I can't wait for... something. hmm. I redeemed some Coke Rewards points today for a salad spinner/chopper. I know, it's kind of strange getting something seemingly healthy from a soda website. I don't drink the soda, the people I live with do and I take the codes from the boxes/bottle caps. Okay, I have one once in a great while.

I can't wait for... Jason to come home in a few minutes! Our anniversary is later this month. Ain't that sweet? It will be four years. Then we graduate, right? We're finally taking a vacation together. We didn't have a honey moon. We went to Glenwood Springs when I was in my first trimester of pregnancy and I was super-nauseous the entire time. Miserable. It was beautiful though, so I guess it counts. Snowy. Snow STORM. I drove many hours through a snow storm and because of the whole pregnant thing I didn't get into the hot springs that Glenwood Springs is known for. (Laughter) sad. ANYWAYS, we are taking a week-long vacation soon without our child. It will be relaxing and I will not be pregnant. It will be inexpensive enough to keep our savings and far enough away to be exciting. Stay tuned for further ramblings about crap.

*Update: I actually was pregnant during that trip. hahaha. ...sigh.

NeverBland Branch

Orange coffee cup. Wake me Up.
Shovelin' Kohl.
Direct deposit.
Reset button, Update, Upgrade. complete. compete.

   jobs are so funny. marketing. profit and loss. yo' mama. team work. oh, the products. undoubtedly the occasional bathroom brown-explosion. where's yer team now?

  sleeping on a big, white dog turd?

   in pregnant-lady heaven?

Change

Aw man!
I'm not one to complain about changes, but they just changed the blog writing layout up in this place and I was NOT especially looking forward to posting a new blog while also learning where "they" put all the buttons and junk. Eh, oh well. I'm going to start working part-time at Kohl's. I hope I get a ridiculously fantastic discount at their lovely store. I'm going to what is called orientation on Tuesday (the 24th of April, 2012). Sounds painful. The pay is painful enough, but a poor person has got to do what a poor person has GOT to do. I actually love working outside the home and it's just two or three days a week. The break room there looks great. The people that work there seem cool, unlike Wal*Mart/Post Office employees (no offense, but you guys tend to be raggedy-looking). When I did the job interview it was a group thing and two other chicks were sitting at the table while we got asked questions. I actually preferred it. I wonder if they got hired too, or if I was the "winner". haha. I was pretty hilarious in there. I'd like to think I shined like a bright star. So yeah, a job is just what I need. It means we're getting closer to where we should be more quickly. 'Where is that?' you ask: NOT HERE.

NOT IN THE OCALA NATIONAL FOREST.

AllTurd

Cyber Punk baby doll. I went there.

I wanted to make something into a cyborg, over and over in my head I kept thinking of all the different animals that would be cool. But then - I thought of a little half robot baby and I just had to produce it. I rummaged through my pop's tool shed and picked out a few bits that struck my fancy.

Also my grandma gave my daughter THREE of these same baby dolls with matted, gross hair, so I figured I could experiment with one. I gave it a much more attractive hairstyle and my pop even helped me cut the arm off. Poking it's eye out felt a little weird though.

Then I hot-glued a little jewel on it's chest. Voila! I don't really feel like it's done though, maybe some little cut-off shorts would be good, with a wallet chain. Haha, baby wallet.

Haratio Wuz Here

Hi.
Today was good. I won the lotto.

Actually, I've been fantasizing about winning a large sum of money for quite a while, but refuse to play the lotto. Unless the Spirit bears witness with my spirit, which has not yet happened for there is always a tiny bit of doubt within me.

AAAAAAAnywho, the day was good. I got a sweet package from my mother-in-law with a couple dresses and some earrings and a flower toy for Nay. Then later we saw the biggest gopher tortoise I've ever seen:

Ol' grandpa tortoise did NOT want anything to do with the flower toy, he ran away shockingly fast. Then we went to the coolest park: Lake Idamere park:

Where Naomi ALWAYS poops. In her pants.

THEN we went to the Lake County Fair!!!

Yes. Pigs. Are. Racing. However, the icing on the cake of a day came when I spotted the deep fried Oreo vendor:

I used to think "Brownie Town" was naughty. These are pretty amazing. I had one before about five or six years ago. That's exactly how often one should eat them. If ever. Because you'll never forget them. And then you'll have to wait five or six years for your next fix. I'm not so sure that's powdered sugar.

Brownie Town

Once upon a time there were two sisters house sitting for a friend. The friend left a butt-load of brownies for them to enjoy. They enjoyed the entire butt-load and then found another box of brownie mix and so prepared and enjoyed a second butt-load of brownies. So high on chocolate and sugar were the sisters that they giggled and coined the phrase: "I'm goin' down to Brownie Town!" before biting into the dense, fudge-like, monstrously-portioned, diabetes-inducing dessert. Always does it make me laugh to think of that time. The time that our lives were sustained by only brownies for one week.

Lonesome

Sigh.

I need to get out more. I sometimes don't realize how desperate I can be for attention until it's too late. I'm one who craves an audience. It's sad, I'm finding it harder and harder to contain myself when I finally DO get to hang out in a group. I'm probably going to get invited to a nice party and then black out, then come to and realize that I just smeared feces all over the hosts kitchen cabinets. Haha, I guess it's not that bad, but this house certainly sucks the life out of me. I'm going crazy. I just watch my kid all day. Alone. Making paper mache. I'll no doubt start talking to it soon.

But this little guy is looking at me weird. Like he's judging me. He's my favorite one yet! I love him. He's got the cutest little ears and curly tail! He's trying to act all natural during his photo shoot, but he just got so tense. Adorable!

Oooo, a big elephant stampeding toward us! It's head and trunk swaying left and right. I can imagine the dust cloud it would work up if it were real.

Hey there creepy, lurking raven. In any good poems lately? I bet you're sick of being called a crow.

 I'm a disappointment.

Note To Self:

NEVER  live with family again. After you get out, stay. Forever. Even if it means living in a dumpster. Even if it means not having ice cream. EVEN if it means breaking the eleventh commandment: Thou shalt not poop outside at a golf course. Amen...

Amen.

Goodbye O-Zone

I'm a winner. I feel like I've been put on Earth at this time period to do something. Don't we all want to prove something? Find some great solution? Be liked? Money means nothing. People are so driven by it though. Willing to give up on ethical practices and higher standards for more of it. Where are we taught the standards we live by? Where do we learn how to be decent people? It's just not an important enough topic when too many are focused on profit. There is a price that many have to pay because of one's lack of scruples. Should one person's ignorance cause everyone else to suffer? That is just one of the laws we live by. Haha, Wallace and Grommet.

One Potato

February, you used to be special and funky, "spunky" perhaps. Tomorrow my husband, Jason, and I are going to let my parents watch our daughter while we go out and... and... uh... have fffuuUUUNN? What is fun? I think I have memories of it. Dancing, singing, laughing with friends. Maybe that was all a dream. hm. I'm working on a particularly tribal sounding track on Reason, and by "working on" I mean "not working very hard at all on" and by "not working very hard at all on" I mean "oh yeah, I forgot about that crappy track..." dude, my ears are so moist here in Florida. I've got a goal: look super good in a bikini by May 30th. I've been running every day for the past nine days, maybe ten, and there have been some wonderful results already: I'm tan, "my poo comes out with no tears" (reference to the Cleveland Show), I have more energy, the jiggly parts aren't as jiggly. So... sigh... here I am, waiting for tomorrow.

Cute little dead mouse.

Glowing Insane

Triple bubble.
Run & run & run & run & urn.

I could forgo a beer, I mean go for a beer, like, a big one. Why is there no "Big Gulp" beer, 7-eleven? or a beer Slurpee? OOrrrr margarita Slurpees. Oh well, you've certainly cornered the market on hot dog flavored potato chips. Bravo.

Identical snowflake twins.
I had a dream last  night I pooped a poop the size and shape of a bag of sugar.

I swear it was a dream.

I... Did It?

I made a music video:

It's kind of a practice video using Lightworks (thanks Johnny). I also made the music with Reason 5(thanks Jason). MAN, I want a doughnut!(thanks America) We could use a sweet microphone for some vocals...

Peas & Cues

What Thee Heck?

Something stung me yesterday:

It wasn't that bad, until I was trying to sleep, at which time it became a large, red, extremely itchy area, and this is what it looks like now:

But it has been such lovely weather lately. I killed a gigantic cockroach in the bathroom last night. I'm so done with the forest and Florida. sigh... oh well. Maybe we'll hit the beach this week and bring a battery powered boombox and some bologna sandwiches and grape sodas. I've got to go make an 80s pop song to play on the boombox. bye.

I'm ReAdY!

reddi whip
already ready already
Here's the thing about wanting to make a music video
you have to make music and have a video camera
Let's do it. Let's rap about it. Let's rap about doing it, you guys! Where can I find some free video editing software... let me finish... that WORKS with the video files that come out of my krapee kodak kamera (easyshare peece-o-krap). I've got so much to think about here. Give me JUST a moment. Please! sigh...



(mumble mumble)

Fix Me

Oh man I could use a dose of pure, serene relaxation. I just want to float to a spa where I receive a deep tissue massage, a chemical peel, a new hairdo, a manicure, pedicure and a margarita. I want all my skin to be new and I want to lay in the middle of a room filled with soft, little, white puppies, some napping, some playing, some sniffing my face so I can smell their sweet little puppy breath. Then a dip in the hot tub that magically makes me thin and a little taller. And every guest leaves with a complimentary bikini. It's going to be way better than this scene from Toy Story 2.

I just really love this scene.

"B"

A great crowd of honey bees swarmed our yard today. We gave them hummingbird food and they were really enjoying my mom's nasty sunflower plate as well...

I ate some pancakes with syrup and they worked hard trying to extract all the high fructose corn syrup their little sacks could hold from the terribly outdated dinnerware. Who needs a dishwasher?
We do. This house needs a dishwasher. REALLY BAD. Oh Lord, please. We've resorted to cleaning our plates with honey bees!
I just made a fort out of blankets and chairs for my kid and she does not care at all. Her favorite thing: black permanent markers.

Twelve

Well well well. Let's talk about how things are going: Slow. Have you ever been in a moment where the atmosphere is as thick as honey and you can feel it entering your lungs when you breathe in, so heavy and immobilizing? Things would start picking up a little if I would trudge through it and get a job, but then there's the kid and only one car and very little steam to work with now that we've been here for close to a year, here is also the middle of nowhere. Muh. I'd like to turn this around and make it positive, but I'm going to try a little tragedy this evening. Madness!

Click Here

I got my face done for the new year. The cosmetic surgeon called this one "Grinch a la Mary Kate Olsen". My face is burning and stinging with beauty. But honestly, I started the year out cleaning Naomi poop from the floor and unknowingly getting it on my pants only to stick my hand in it later on and because I had made a chocolate sauce earlier I wasn't sure if it was poop or chocolate so I had to smell it (because what intelligent person would really taste an unknown brown substance?) and it was poop, so I sat around for a while without pants on because I didn't have anywhere to go anyways. It was a pretty low point. At least I had some chocolate sauce. I put it on my ice cream. And the sick thing is....  I liked it.