Foe Cuss

It sure is difficult to always remember to have faith, or to remember what that even means. That's what meditation helps me with the most. When I take a moment to stop and realize I require a breath to continue to go on, I start to remember that the air has always been there just when I needed it. So far at least. And my exhalation will benefit some other part of the universe. I've been feeding a lot of bugs lately, massive welts on my elbow with an itch that can't be ignored. What's the point of this discomfort? Perhaps to remember I was a part of something else's life. The itch may last longer than the lifespan of the stupid bug! A small price for me to pay for such a long, rich life of my own. Strip the earth of bugs and it would be uninhabitable for us. No such thing as a "stupid bug" it turns out.

Breathe in, breathe out. A simple and interesting system. Always depending on something else, something else always depending on us. We're responsible whether we want to be or not. Whether we can "handle it" or not. It has become incredibly helpful to remember that no matter how many times I haven't thought about it, took it for granted, even wished it wasn't the case: the next breath was always there.

Ooop, just saw a ladies booty crack at the library.

Geez Us

The library has become my sanctuary. I've already been coming here pretty regularly to print stuff and get books and movies and now I'm here multiple times a week. The latest book I read (and just finished today) was A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. It made sense, surprisingly, and it confirmed my belief that infinity is more likely than not. This might sound stupid or impossible: I saw infinity - felt it - experienced it(?) It led me to the conclusion that I read about in the book: no boundaries. Even though there was a "beginning" the universe was infinitely curved and our perception of time can't really apply. There is the idea of "imaginary time", which might actual be more real than our "real time" and let's not even get into multiple dimensions right now because I should probably be focusing on getting some crappy job in this "real" universe in order to afford "real" Internet. The comments about God in the book are interesting, there is always some input by some religious groups about what scientists are observing and theorizing. It's like the masses have to have science chewed up and fed to them by religion or they refuse to even taste it. At least that's what some religions are like. Culture needs to shift a bit, methinks. We all have purpose without a definition, much like the understanding of physics throughout time we'll never know everything and change is inevitable and there are negative and positive energies, particles and anti-particles at work that we have no way to predict or fully observe but HEY, we're here. The book also made some comments about modern philosophy and it felt as if those comments were directed at me personally.


The other two books I started reading are about women stuff. Leadership and regaining our diminished confidence, basically. To hear growing up that "you can do anything" then immediately "well, you probably don't want to do that because...[something about tits]" makes for a confusing message. Feeling stuck has been a major theme in my life. One I've overcome time and time again. This life won't last forever and while I've faced some negative B.S., I now realize it may very well be because I'm such a positive force. Seeing that makes my positive mass expand and I will cancel out a whole bunch of negative in my lifetime. It's fun for me. Ooooo, thunder just struck. All these afternoon storms are fantastic and much needed. Blessings!