Tom Holland's Butt

The new Spider-Man movie was good, Roland's favorite of the hero types. The swinging from buildings is so exhilarating on the big screen. The booms and vibration in the seat are nice touches too. Seeing a leading man NOT get the girl, even though he got that exact one in a previous movie but had to choose to erase her memory of him to save her life, was nice too. His battle to accept her feelings was pretty convincing, it's very cute that the actors are married to each other and that probably helped.

I'm out here dating, had a really nice ice cream date yesterday, went to the park with a lake during sunset on a particularly mild summer day. Psh, so good. VERY easy to talk and listen and understand. Nice, comforting energy. We vibed and I'm looking forward to another. 

 Tonight is open mic and I'mma do some comedy again, did it last week for the first time in a long time and I gotta keep up the momentum. After chatting with my dad Sunday, he gave me a funny premise for joke-telling that I'm using this round. Fits nicely with what I wanted to kind of story tell about:) It's feeling like I'm part of something really unique and beautifully constructed lately and while I can't take all the credit, I'm so proud of how things are pulling together. Finding out what my blind spots are, why I've had a difficult time in the past listening to my intuition. Asking different sources for input and suggestions instead of powering through and staying hardened. It's energizing! 

Quirkly

Bouncing around, holding in my pee - I'm excited because, well, you see: learning is always possible and I love possibility. Learning how to spot the next opportunity. Learning how to love the best so love can come to me. Learning how to express it all and set my spirit free. A hot tear may fall, rolling down my cheek while thinking back on all the sweetness I was dipped in this past week. A sniffle and a smile, but not inclined to speak - just to listen. Finally. 

Yesterday I took a lovely walk with my daughter. She's nine and different than me, it's great to learn from her. When you love someone SO hard, you have to learn. I think my mom probably feels the same way about me. Thanks for loving me so hard, mom:) Thanks for believing in me.

Surtch Ingyn Optomisashun

I enjoy SEO type work. I think I'll get a job all up in that realm. What IS SEO? It stands for search engine optimization and that just means that you make a certain website, or specific page on that website, show up before other related websites in a Google search (or Bing or Yahoo, you weirdos) for relevant keywords.

Search for "April Compo" and you'll find stuff I've put online because I like being found for whatever dumb reason. Plus, my name is not common and I love creating content and influencing everyone.

But... how???

I married someone with a unique last name, that helps. I make sure everything has my name attached to it - accounts are nearly all @aprilcompo. I add keywords to my blog posts (you'll see them at the bottom of this post!) I share links on other sites, usually social media since my personal junk is all a social experiment or for fun and not related to a specific industry. If that was the case I would share links to my content on industry related platforms and forums and blogs. Keywords that people search for when looking for exactly what you're offering are precious. You can analyze what keywords are the most bestest through tools like Google Analytics - and I JUST found out about Google's "Data Studio" which looks pretty lovely so far.

Analyzing stuff is fun. Seeing everything add up to a bigger picture is fun. Being seen is fun. Learning is fun.

Even if I don't get an SEO position somewhere, I will be using what I've learned through the years wherever I'm at. It seems though, that my experience and personality could be useful to a whole BUNCH of folks. And that's kinda nice.

 Thanks for all the experience Data102!

D-Zerving

What does one deserve? Just by being alive? Human rights are an interesting development, individual rights for everyone. Why not? Is it something the universe would allow for? It would be well and good to have the right to live a life free from harm or unwarranted distress. How can we exercise that right? Why should we? Do we really deserve it? How do we know when the harm or distress is even unwarranted?


These days I live with very little harm and distress. I still have me around and I'm grateful everyday for what I have. There are definitely times I added to the harm and distress I've experienced - times when I believed I wasn't the one able to manifest my own happiness. Or that happiness somehow depended on circumstance or financial stability or the happiness of my loved ones. Now I fight for my right to party. Andrew W.K. is a seemingly strange, but effective form of motivation for me. What a soul! There are so many people with so many views and so many forms of expression and it is SO much healthier than feeding into the darkness. Do we have the right to be healthy? Yes. We just have to fight. HARD.


We will all go through challenging, depressing, traumatic times. I'm asking you to go through them with me - even if we never know or speak to each other. It actually makes no difference if the bad stuff that happened is warranted or not. Maybe we're an ass and we've spent our lives justifying it - does it really matter in the moment that we decide to heal? Nope. Every time we make the choice to heal, we're fighting. Fighting an authority that resides in our brain that has somehow convinced us to identify only with it and its negative nature. Well I say "fuck authority" in this case.


Party on.

Daddy's Issues

Hope - it's what I got. Anger - it's what I'm working so hard to alleviate.

There are folks that can no longer care for their children for one reason or another. Did I have any idea I would marry one of those people? And then have children with them? And then be left a single parent? Here's to hoping it's temporary. Here's to hoping the anger leaves me alone so that if/when the time comes that he is ready to do anything with the children, I will do things right. There is no going back in time anyway and just the ability to fathom time travel is upsetting. A step back eleven years to inform my past self. A peek into the future, to see how things turn out. A waste of the present time, when I could be kicking ass like I know how to do. So well.

Lately I've been working on my passions in life. Comedy, music, drawing, socializing, lots of self-expression. Lots of honesty. It does feel great to not have the heavy issues around, influencing everyone. Threatening everyone. There's no better time than now to start the long, arduous task of sorting through these issues. Many things that were said lead me to believe it is going to take so, so much undoing to get to the point of doing. Learning my personality type has helped me know what my tendencies are: if it isn't done efficiently, GTFO. What a down side! I form a belief and make it come true though, the first thing I said to him was "you're my soulmate". Then when I started to get the gist that he was unhappy and I couldn't do anything about it, that belief faded. Now I'm left with some beautiful and hopefully balanced children and still have the ability to form beliefs and make them come true. Here's something I believe: A certain man will feel free and use that freedom to choose honesty and start enjoying the outcome of his hard work. He will always love his children and won't let his own mind assume I will or even CAN get in the way of that. Perhaps there will be times something comes up and the plans don't work out. Perhaps I should accept reality. No, I should definitely accept reality.

Right now I take each day as it comes and practice, practice, practice living in the moment. I believe it's going to pay off. HUGELY.