Y B Sad?

It's not hard to help in small ways. I get so sad thinking about what certain other people aren't doing, I should know better. It's not hard to see why they'd make different decisions than I would. The small ways I can help seem counterintuitive, but it turns out it's not selfish at all to make sure I'm happy and healthy. It's not selfish at all to make sure you're happy and healthy. 

There was a lot of processing in 2023, I've made less money this year than last, and even less than the year before that. Yet, I've never had more savings and I've never had more fun with my kids and I don't think I've ever felt so... proud and content and close to my friends and capable and worthy and free. I always knew there were great reasons to live simply and not go into debt and not make too many decisions without reducing the factor of stress by as much as possible. 

I started this post while I was very sad one day. But I finished this post the next day, after meditating and playing some Mario Kart with the kids and eating tres leches cake and remembering I have a three-day weekend. Sadness happens though, it's valid and life can always be better. But JESUS FUCKING CHRIST LIFE COULD BE SOOOO MUCH WORSE I'M KICKING MAJOR ASS! haha. Soon I'll get another tax return and my beloved cousin will move out here and I'm determined to keep deepening my connection to the ever-present well of wisdom that carries on unaffected by mankind's antics. 

No Shave Life

It's November and that means a bunch of dudes not shaving at work. Little do they know I haven't shaved my legs and armpits for like, a year. There are a lot of ideas that people think are super concrete or something. More and more I feel like maybe I'm here just to surprise people, hopefully pleasantly. I enjoy watching people from up high, seeing their tiny cars driving by and the trains carrying fuel and all the buildings they work and live in. I love looking into lit offices in big office buildings at night, hoping to see a single person in there staring out at me. "I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me to see me looking back at you".

Another precious, easy Tuesday. Am I an adult? I always got the feeling that adulthood would feel different. My resistance to loans and ownership has paid off. We never really own anything anyways. We just claim something is ours until we die. Really we should just take care of each other and be reasonable. Ain't that some hippie crap?! I got a fortune from a cookie that said, "everything in the universe is perfect - even your desire to improve it"

...now I want Chinese food. UGH, I love all the food in the world. I don't like being in one place all day long though. I'd like to work remotely more often. Or just not be here so much. I keep getting sucked AND pushed back in. I have a problem with authority - in that I don't seem to have much of it. Asking for things that might make me feel my best is just not easy. I know I don't need much, but the asking is incredibly scary. How annoying! I'm more annoying, my life is more annoying, every task is annoying. It's in my bones. Even my daughter is often afraid to ask for things, which is ...annoying! I've passed on my super annoying trait and it's going to take a lot of work to combat it. Cute. I love her and my mom loves me and we'll just stick together and help each other. Aw, now I feel okay.