Mom passed away about a month ago. No one expected it, but it also wasn't the most shocking news. While we've been grateful to have her exactly as she was for as long as we could, her healthcare was questionable, her childhood seemed mysterious, her lineage unknown, her birth certificate forged.
Mom was in a car accident in her mid-30s and they scanned her brain, finding a couple small, fluid-filled holes. They weren't able to decipher the age of the damage, but they did give my dad a funny look. My mom's aunt ended up confessing that mom was thrown into a wall as a two-year-old by the aunt's then-boyfriend that was supposed to be helping watch the kids. Mom was in a coma for a while and, Hallelujah, baby girl eventually woke up, but she had to relearn everything. She also only had one kidney?!
She never knew her biological father, maybe his last name is Wentworth(?) She was raised by her mother and step dad.
At 14 she got pregnant. Her parents borrowed some money and got her an abortion before she even knew why she was so nauseous. She only found out afterwards that she was in the hospital to terminate her pregnancy. Around that time, her parents had the friendly bible people, Jehovah's Witnesses, come and study with their kids. Eventually, the three girls got baptized. They had two brothers, one with severe autism and their baby brother, they were heathens. Haha.
As a kid she worried about her mom's health because she had a bad heart and refused to stop smoking. Their family had hired help, a black nanny. She didn't disclose this until after the movie "The Help" came out and she realized it was a more shared experience than she realized. She was kind of ashamed, especially after becoming a Jehovah's Witness, which I've heard described as a "black religion". While people around her were casually racist and felt superior, my mom was thankful for and incredibly influenced by her nanny.
At 16 mom got married ("almost 17" she would tell me) to a great guy that actually dated her sister for a minute before finding out about Sherry Ann. My dad was 19 and would be with her for the rest of her life. She had five children with him, all pretty cool. Her first son was born when she was 18. She had another son at 22. She had lil ol' me, "the most difficult childbirth", at 24. Then, waited eight years to have my sister at 32, then our baby brother at 36. My two kids and my sister's husband and their three kids are also included in this picture, along with dad and all the siblings:
We all got together to say goodbye to mom, to be there for dad, within a couple of days of the news. All twelve of us in a house of about 1,000 square feet, not including the new addition on the back that dad is building.
My mom was always proud of us, telling us she never did that good in school, so don't worry. Though she did worry about our chastity, likely because of her trauma. She was an amazing mom, with the support of our dad, she was available to come to our school events, cooked great, comforted, came all the way to Colorado when I had my first kid and went through my marital strife. She was employed a few times to help out financially too, a couple McDonald's locations and even at Dunkin Donuts with me when I was 19 (that gig didn't last long for her because she felt like her uterus was falling out and ended up getting a hysterectomy). My friend Nora came and helped us around the house while my mom was out of commission, and now Nora has a potty mouth because mom made cussing so much fun. Mom also worked with my sister at a McDonald's in Umatilla, FL later on. The team loved 'em.
After the most tumultuous part of my life was sorted, she was able to come out for a real vacation in the fall of 2023. She slept in my bed every night for about a month. I took her to restaurants and bars and music and comedy shows, we laughed, we soaked in the beauty of Colorado. I made a couple TikToks with her and my friend Brandy. When I came out of the bathroom at the comedy show, I saw her phone screen and she was messaging with someone going by "Keanu Reeves" - she had a habit of getting duped by scammers and buying gift cards to send them money. I like to think she fed a few families in a third world country for at least a year, because it was thousands of dollars. Even when I told her she was getting scammed, she couldn't help herself, she was hooked and I'm guessing it got her excited. When I brought up some of the ways she hurt me as a kid, she really listened, she wasn't defensive and didn't act like a victim, she genuinely apologized. It was so powerful I can't help but cry writing it out.
She dealt with pain and inflammation for years, but when she talked on the phone, when she heard from her kids, she was ON. A few months before she passed, she asked me to keep checking in on her. I let her know I'd be there, if she needed me to go to her, I'd be there - just say the word. She's been there for me so many times. She never did tell me to come, but I am very comforted knowing that dad and two of my brothers were around when she needed anything. Especially Jarred, who would remove the cover from the swing anytime mom wanted to sit outside, then put the cover back on when she was done. I remember once when mom and I got pissed at each other and I was dishing out what she was serving right back to her and Jarred had to come and talk to me about it later on and tell me I couldn't do that to her. While I felt completely justified in treating her the way she was treating me, he did make me realize I had the power in me to choose another way. Poor guy had a hard time with two wild women in the house. Hahaha. I love my family so much.
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