While My Eggplant Gently Weeps

I can sweat an eggplant without salt. All it takes is some interrogation. I asked this one where he was on the night the Gouda went missing- "I was in the crisper, I didn't see nothin'", he claimed. "This family doesn't keep eggplant in the crisper," I said,"as a matter of fact, the crisper was already full of lettuce and cauliflower before we brought your UGLY, purple face home! WHERE'S THE GOUDA?!" Check out those beads of sweat. He's gunna fry tonight, he had Eggplant Parmesan written all over him before he was even ripe. I can't stand a liar.