Toe Lette

Some days are strange. I'll pause at odd moments, moments I wouldn't pause at on a normal day. Just to make sure I'm not dreaming. Or because I notice something that I've taken for granted all my life. "All my life", as if it's some great amount of time. It's the only time I've experienced. How could I have let so many moments pass without enjoying them? How come I have never before noticed how graceful a swirling piece of toilet paper -that wasn't successfully flushed- can dance around in the shallow water of a clean, white toilet bowl. Waving me in. Telling me to join it on it's journey. "You've never lived until you've been flushed! Come with me and I promise you, you'll never have to suffer again. Once you carry out the honorable duty of wiping up human waste, you will be greeted by all the other flushed paper fragments in a grand ballroom!"

The rest of the roll doesn't know exactly how difficult their lives will be, but they will fulfill their responsibility. Then they will be flushed.

I didn't have the heart to tell it that it's actually going to quickly decompose in a pool of sludge. That its angelic, wispy robe would be added to all the other muck - and that it might as well quit with the dancing.

I succeeded on the second flush, finicky toilet.

I had to flush it, I'm not saving all the bits of toilet paper I will ever use.

Enema of da Stank

WOOOOOOOOOOO   ...hoo


Just got back from vacationing in a big ol' state called California (we stayed in the southern part). Here are the things I DIDN'T love:

1. too many people and buildings
2. expensive living
3. general sadness
4. geared toward the rich
5. dirty Hollywood
6. crowded, littered beaches
7. gorgeous waves that can't be ridden or you'll be hurled into big rocks
8. terrible highway signage
9. weird oil rigs at Huntington beach
10. yacht clubs

Things I loved:

1. the beach, overall
2. seeing family
3. In-N-Out
4. seeing the sun while it's low in the sky (which is most of America, really)
5. not going to work (which is most of America, really)

...I think that's it. I would love to go to the redwood forest at some point. I'd like to visit Oregon. Colorado is great though, not sure if I'll ever move away. I feel like there's a million places in Colorado that I still haven't seen. It's open and beautiful and the vegetation isn't threatening (?) Hardly any bugs, at least in the cities. Fitness. Cheap. Also, I feel like it would be pretty easy to be famous in Colorado Springs. If you walk around downtown talking to enough people, you'll probably get to be a known and talked about figure. You'll be featured in the paper.

What a beautiful day it is today. Wow, the weather and air and sunlight is just right. Wish I had some In-N-Out though.

 

Turble

"Stay here, stay as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it."

Isn't it sooooooooooooooooooooooo funny how we thought that being a grown up would be super great?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

It was fun for a little bit, but I think I'm done now. Ugh. Maybe I made some terrible choices or something. I should have built my credit sooner. I should have stayed single. I should have had some sort of plan. I'm like a dog in a person suit and I just want things to happen naturally and I want live in the moment, but I'm too "smart" to be a dog now. I have to consider things, I have to pay rent, I have to drive a car, I have to thoroughly heat my hamburgers, I have to stop drinking from the toilet, I have to read and write and calculate and apply and verify and authorize and remember and track and care, or at least pretend to care. haha. 

I think I'm going to write a children's book. No one will read it, but it'll be funny. I appreciate that my parents didn't sugar-coat adulthood. My mother would chime in once a while with her famous quote: "life sucks, then ya die." haha. I had high expectations... but not really. I probably just need a vacation. I don't deserve a great deal, but if I don't get a break soon I'm gunna start attacking the elderly. 

I saw a funny thing today: "I slept for 8 hours straight and then 2 hours gay" 

Anyways, one of our office fish looked like it was ready to die this morning when I came in. Then it got better, but I don't know how long fish live or if it's just trying to find a spot under a rock to die. It would be the first fish to die in this tank since I've been taking care of them. I'ma go water the plants now and check on said fish. Byeeeeeeeeee.

*EDIT* He ded:(

Salmon Iz Good 4 Me

Well hello there. Won't you be my neighbor?

My drawing classes and laser lipo are but a memory. I did get a Groupon for an hour long massage though. SHOOOOOOOT, I love me a professional-type deep tissue massage.

I've lost 12 lbs so far - I'm slightly less fat!

I love drawing dawgz. I think I might want a dawg sometimes, but then I realize I do not want a dawg.

But a CAT! Now there's a pet! Maybe one day.

We've got 4 weeks left until our trip to California. Thankfully we don't have any pets we have to make arrangements for. We're going to Knotts Berry Farm. I'm just going to make sure they have berries. Then I'm going to leave.

The Jur Knee

Well, I admit, I have to lose some weight. Many people will admit this, so it's not a big deal really. I've been exercising for a few weeks and doing the dreaded dieting. I've lost a little over 8 lbs as of this fine Friday morn.

Looking "good" in a bikini is my real goal. I've got the bewbs, so now I just have to reduce the gut and hopefully that will be enough to make up for my flat butt. The butt ain't even that bad, it's the tailbone that has been sticking out since pregnancy that is kind of concerning. Here's a SECRET: I bought a Groupon for 3 sessions of "laser lipo" (I think it's more "laser-like lipo" or something, but whatever) and I've already used 2 of them. I think it's helping, as long as I'm also exercising and dieting, it kinda gives me a boost of motivation. I did have to tighten my belt after the first session, but I'm kind of in disbelief that it's because of some little red lights they stick on my skin and feel warm. Haha. After about 15 minutes of the lights, they have me stand on this vibration thing for 10 minutes and I jiggle and jiggle. It also made me giggle, and I'm scared that I'm peeing because it feels so weird and I'm not sure if I'm properly holding in my pee. I haven't actually peed myself (yet).

I also started a figure drawing class a couple weeks ago. It's just on Wednesday mornings for 4 weeks. The first week was a big ol' gal. I loved it. Then we got this real skinny guy. That was great too. SECRET #2: I saw the dudes junk. I'm pretty good at drawing. We're gunna have the skinny dude again next week, then a woman that's a climber the following Wednesday. The defined muscles and feminine proportions sound exciting.

I feel like I need to reveal at least one more SECRET (#3) but I don't really have one. Lemme think lemme think. Ehhhhh. EEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. eh...

^^^^^^^^JUST LISTEN TO THIS DOPE TRACK^^^^^^^^

Kindness of Stranglers

YOYOYOYOYO!

Tryin' to keep it fresh up in herrrrrr! Are ye able to make it fresh'n?

I am still a bit shocked by this thing I'm about to tell you.

The SETUP: There's a gentleman that works as a subcontractor (I think) for the datacenter where I work. Very nice, always professional etc etc etc. I showed him some drawings one day and just gushed about art and it's just a part of me, yada yada yada. He said his wife was a potter at an art school and he seemed surprised and more interested in talking about this subject than anything else we've talked about in passing.

The AWESOME PART: He came up to me a few days later and said, "Have you taken any art classes?" -"Not since high school" I replied. "Pick out a class (he handed me a schedule/brochure) and I'll pay for it" he didn't ask if I even wanted to. haha.

So, I'm blown away. It's actually the best gift I can think of and it's coming from someone I don't even really know. I mean, I love spa packages and chocolate, but dang, now I feel like I've got an investor.

Jason: I still expect an anniversary facial/massage. Manicure is optional.

I just got a fun Ghost Lens app. 

It's so neat that we can instantly make such 

cool images these days with our phones. 

Egg Roles

Poopity poop poo.
I just had a LOT of egg rolls and beer. It's a fond pastime and a greasy experience. My mom would have her friend over and they would roll 'em up and fry 'em and we'd have duck sauce and soy sauce and mustard and laughter.

That's what the south is all about.

My kids are getting along strangely well tonight. The young man is saying all kinds of words with superb accuracy. I'm so glad these little turds aren't "different". That sounds pompous, but let's be real here: I'd rather not work harder than I already have to. I did just eat a bunch of fried food.

And here's the young man after dumping our cornstarch EVERYWHERE.