W8 W8 Don't Tell Me

Did another open mic a couple nights ago. Singin' and sort of dancing. I should be getting some video footage from a friend eventually, I'll have to post that somewhere. I couldn't really hear myself, but I didn't get booed, so maybe I wasn't awful. But no one gets booed in such a friendly environment. One performer was clearly trying to get booed, but the audience withheld. We must have known that's what he wanted, so we didn't give it to him. In which case, it was NOT a friendly environment, rather, it was an apathetic and passive aggressive environment. I wore a shirt with Michael Jackson on it. From his Thriller days. Someone shouted, "Can we get some purple rain?!" and I said "No." It's kinda funny since my husband posted on Facebook mentioning his excitement about Netflix streaming Reading Rainbow, and a friend called LeVar Burton Lionel Richie.

I was interviewed by some officers a few weeks ago about an "incident" that took place right in front of our building. There was a black dude trying to start his own car, but didn't have keys (d'oh!). He was attempting to hot wire it, or start it with a butter knife or something. So a security guy called to report some suspicious activity and the police came and drew their guns on him, but eventually figured stuff out and let him continue on with his life. I saw something going on, so I took out my phone and recorded the scene, but by the time I happened upon them, they were just calmly talking and starting to leave. So I deleted the recording. And then my phone was stolen. So there's no way to get the footage, but it was uneventful anyways. I just saw 4-5 police surrounding the guy and felt compelled to record what was happening since I'm on the second floor and had a good view. It turns out the police never filed a report about that particular call. Which is weird. But not that weird. Who wants to do the boring work of writing a report? I asked Sergeant Joel Kern, the officer interviewing me, about the lack of a report and he said that there could be many reasons an officer wouldn't write a report. I wonder what reason there was in this case. Anyways, the black guy complained to someone and so an investigation is currently taking place. Hence the interview with me -a somewhat witness.

I'm going to register a car today. Love that DMV. If there's anything I love more than the deep rooted racism that surrounds us, it's the DMV.

Pauliticks

I rode my bike# this past weekend. Hooked up the bike trailer and dragged the kids to the park. My thighs loved it. Even though my seat is in the lowest position, I feel like I need it just a smidge lower due to my petite legs.

I made some pretty good salmon last night. Marinated it in a sort of teriyaki sauce I concocted then put it on a real hot skillet. Served with rice and broccoli and a plate and a fork and some weird drink with blue curacao because a coworker that left months ago had a partial bottle of it in his desk and it was passed down to me. I then kept it in my desk for months until I remembered it and brought it home. As a "no frills" type person, It's not something I would buy. I pretended I was drinking Windex.

So I guess Cosby is a rapist. Also, I discovered that I get more blog views if I put in some "hot" keywords. "Caitlyn Jenner comes forward to talk about her* frightening Cosby experience!"

*his

Michael Jackson
A Million Dollars
Ya Feel Me
Holla

#Update: My bike was stolen

Toe Lette

Some days are strange. I'll pause at odd moments, moments I wouldn't pause at on a normal day. Just to make sure I'm not dreaming. Or because I notice something that I've taken for granted all my life. "All my life", as if it's some great amount of time. It's the only time I've experienced. How could I have let so many moments pass without enjoying them? How come I have never before noticed how graceful a swirling piece of toilet paper -that wasn't successfully flushed- can dance around in the shallow water of a clean, white toilet bowl. Waving me in. Telling me to join it on it's journey. "You've never lived until you've been flushed! Come with me and I promise you, you'll never have to suffer again. Once you carry out the honorable duty of wiping up human waste, you will be greeted by all the other flushed paper fragments in a grand ballroom!"

The rest of the roll doesn't know exactly how difficult their lives will be, but they will fulfill their responsibility. Then they will be flushed.

I didn't have the heart to tell it that it's actually going to quickly decompose in a pool of sludge. That its angelic, wispy robe would be added to all the other muck - and that it might as well quit with the dancing.

I succeeded on the second flush, finicky toilet.

I had to flush it, I'm not saving all the bits of toilet paper I will ever use.

Enema of da Stank

WOOOOOOOOOOO   ...hoo


Just got back from vacationing in a big ol' state called California (we stayed in the southern part). Here are the things I DIDN'T love:

1. too many people and buildings
2. expensive living
3. general sadness
4. geared toward the rich
5. dirty Hollywood
6. crowded, littered beaches
7. gorgeous waves that can't be ridden or you'll be hurled into big rocks
8. terrible highway signage
9. weird oil rigs at Huntington beach
10. yacht clubs

Things I loved:

1. the beach, overall
2. seeing family
3. In-N-Out
4. seeing the sun while it's low in the sky (which is most of America, really)
5. not going to work (which is most of America, really)

...I think that's it. I would love to go to the redwood forest at some point. I'd like to visit Oregon. Colorado is great though, not sure if I'll ever move away. I feel like there's a million places in Colorado that I still haven't seen. It's open and beautiful and the vegetation isn't threatening (?) Hardly any bugs, at least in the cities. Fitness. Cheap. Also, I feel like it would be pretty easy to be famous in Colorado Springs. If you walk around downtown talking to enough people, you'll probably get to be a known and talked about figure. You'll be featured in the paper.

What a beautiful day it is today. Wow, the weather and air and sunlight is just right. Wish I had some In-N-Out though.

 

Turble

"Stay here, stay as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it."

Isn't it sooooooooooooooooooooooo funny how we thought that being a grown up would be super great?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

It was fun for a little bit, but I think I'm done now. Ugh. Maybe I made some terrible choices or something. I should have built my credit sooner. I should have stayed single. I should have had some sort of plan. I'm like a dog in a person suit and I just want things to happen naturally and I want live in the moment, but I'm too "smart" to be a dog now. I have to consider things, I have to pay rent, I have to drive a car, I have to thoroughly heat my hamburgers, I have to stop drinking from the toilet, I have to read and write and calculate and apply and verify and authorize and remember and track and care, or at least pretend to care. haha. 

I think I'm going to write a children's book. No one will read it, but it'll be funny. I appreciate that my parents didn't sugar-coat adulthood. My mother would chime in once a while with her famous quote: "life sucks, then ya die." haha. I had high expectations... but not really. I probably just need a vacation. I don't deserve a great deal, but if I don't get a break soon I'm gunna start attacking the elderly. 

I saw a funny thing today: "I slept for 8 hours straight and then 2 hours gay" 

Anyways, one of our office fish looked like it was ready to die this morning when I came in. Then it got better, but I don't know how long fish live or if it's just trying to find a spot under a rock to die. It would be the first fish to die in this tank since I've been taking care of them. I'ma go water the plants now and check on said fish. Byeeeeeeeeee.

*EDIT* He ded:(

Salmon Iz Good 4 Me

Well hello there. Won't you be my neighbor?

My drawing classes and laser lipo are but a memory. I did get a Groupon for an hour long massage though. SHOOOOOOOT, I love me a professional-type deep tissue massage.

I've lost 12 lbs so far - I'm slightly less fat!

I love drawing dawgz. I think I might want a dawg sometimes, but then I realize I do not want a dawg.

But a CAT! Now there's a pet! Maybe one day.

We've got 4 weeks left until our trip to California. Thankfully we don't have any pets we have to make arrangements for. We're going to Knotts Berry Farm. I'm just going to make sure they have berries. Then I'm going to leave.

The Jur Knee

Well, I admit, I have to lose some weight. Many people will admit this, so it's not a big deal really. I've been exercising for a few weeks and doing the dreaded dieting. I've lost a little over 8 lbs as of this fine Friday morn.

Looking "good" in a bikini is my real goal. I've got the bewbs, so now I just have to reduce the gut and hopefully that will be enough to make up for my flat butt. The butt ain't even that bad, it's the tailbone that has been sticking out since pregnancy that is kind of concerning. Here's a SECRET: I bought a Groupon for 3 sessions of "laser lipo" (I think it's more "laser-like lipo" or something, but whatever) and I've already used 2 of them. I think it's helping, as long as I'm also exercising and dieting, it kinda gives me a boost of motivation. I did have to tighten my belt after the first session, but I'm kind of in disbelief that it's because of some little red lights they stick on my skin and feel warm. Haha. After about 15 minutes of the lights, they have me stand on this vibration thing for 10 minutes and I jiggle and jiggle. It also made me giggle, and I'm scared that I'm peeing because it feels so weird and I'm not sure if I'm properly holding in my pee. I haven't actually peed myself (yet).

I also started a figure drawing class a couple weeks ago. It's just on Wednesday mornings for 4 weeks. The first week was a big ol' gal. I loved it. Then we got this real skinny guy. That was great too. SECRET #2: I saw the dudes junk. I'm pretty good at drawing. We're gunna have the skinny dude again next week, then a woman that's a climber the following Wednesday. The defined muscles and feminine proportions sound exciting.

I feel like I need to reveal at least one more SECRET (#3) but I don't really have one. Lemme think lemme think. Ehhhhh. EEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. eh...

^^^^^^^^JUST LISTEN TO THIS DOPE TRACK^^^^^^^^